Henry Golding in Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins

[DarkKnight88]

I stopped waiting for it to drop on Paramount Plus and just rented it for $2

Do you know what you could've used that $2 for instead?

https://www.amazon.com/Revlon-30997...1_14?keywords=$2+items&qid=1641722716&sr=8-14

 

[Deck Rickard]

So I had free access to EPIX over the weekend (which is some premium channel I forgot about) and I watched most of this. SPOILERS AHEAD…

It’s such a weirdly written movie in that it follows the character (Snake Eyes) who is just a completely unlikable A-hole undermining the good guys through most of the movie to pursue his personal vendetta. It’s almost like watching an Asylum version of The Departed if they were trying to get you to root for the Matt Damon character.

Golding was awful here; it doesn’t help that his character is a jerk but his performance is equally bad. His accent is wobbly at best and he lacks any of the charisma he’s had in previous roles. He also doesn’t seem like much of a ninja; dude is loud and clumsy throughout.

But I think the worst sin of the movie is that it somehow manages to misfire completely on Snake Eyes. This is a character who never talks and you never see his face. Avoiding those things is forgivable because it’s hard to make a movie centered on a character like that. But there are other key elements to the character you can use. In terms of his personality, all we really have to go on are that he’s possibly the world’s deadliest hand-to-hand combatant and he’s a loyal, heroic character. That shouldn’t be too hard to replicate. Yet this movie somehow misses the mark on all of that, making him an average fighter at best and slimy double agent. Admittedly, I dozed off during the last half hour of the movie and I’m sure he “redeems” himself for being a double agent and helping terrorists steal a Dollar Store nuclear magic rock thing. But what I saw was so far from the Snake Eyes we know and love that I didn’t care to see him redeemed.

Storm Shadow fares better, maybe just because Andrew Koji is a believable action star. Or maybe it was because Shadow wasn’t written as a total D-bag. Hopefully this crappy film won’t hurt Koji. At the very least, we have another season of Warrior on the way.

Everything in the film just felt like amateur hour, from the Taken 2-inspired quick-cut fight sequences to the weird wannabe auteur shots after Snake Eyes’ dad gets killed. And the script feels like a first draft. You have a scene where the bad guy tells Snake Eyes to steal the secret magic jewel from the Arashikage, and that’s IMMEDIATELY followed by a scene where Storm Shadow just tells Snake Eyes about the jewel (completely unprompted). Just terrible.

Somehow Snake Eyes fared better in the previous two GI Joe movies, which were also crap. Time to just put a fork in this series.

 

[Spider-Aziz]

....It’s almost like watching an Asylum version of .....

Golding was awful here; it doesn’t help that his character is a jerk but his performance is equally bad. His accent is wobbly at best and he lacks any ... charisma ....

But I think the worst sin of the movie is that it somehow manages to misfire completely on Snake Eyes...... In terms of his personality, all we really have to go on are that he’s possibly the world’s deadliest hand-to-hand combatant and he’s a loyal, heroic character..... Yet this movie somehow misses the mark on all of that, making him an average fighter at best.....

*Flashback to Mortal Kombat and Cole Young*
Somehow this managed to be worse, and both came out the same year. Nice.


Bonus; Batman Begins sucks cause Bruce didn't have this as part of his daily routine with the League of Shadows

 

[Deck Rickard]

*Flashback to Mortal Kombat and Cole Young*
Somehow this managed to be worse, and both came out the same year. Nice.


Bonus; Batman Begins sucks cause Bruce didn't have this as part of his daily routine with the League of Shadows

Haha yeah as much as I hated Mortal Kombat ‘21, this actually was worse. I didn’t think that was possible, but here we are.

 

[Loden Greatstorm]

*Flashback to Mortal Kombat and Cole Young*
Somehow this managed to be worse, and both came out the same year. Nice.


Bonus; Batman Begins sucks cause Bruce didn't have this as part of his daily routine with the League of Shadows

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA what the heck is this crap

 

[Deck Rickard]

That giant snake scene is for anyone who found the GI Joe cartoon too realistic.

 

[TheVileOne]

I was more confused how the anacondas detect the purity of one's heart. They're ****ing giant snakes. Are they hyper-intelligent snakes from Cobra-La?

 

[DarkKnight88]

 

[Spider-Aziz]

I was more confused how the anacondas detect the purity of one's heart. They're ****ing giant snakes. Are they hyper-intelligent snakes from Cobra-La?

His heart is pure? Based on comments I read here he's evil.

 

[TheVileOne]

His heart is pure? Based on comments I read here he's evil.

Spoiler

That's why in the scene the snakes try to devour him and the lady ninja saves his ass because...reasons.

 

[Deck Rickard]

I was honestly expecting him to gouge out the snake’s eyes just to give him another on-the-nose reason for his nickname. Missed opportunity lol.

 

[Spider-Aziz]

Spoiler

That's why in the scene the snakes try to devour him and the lady ninja saves his ass because...reasons.

A wise man once said

I was honestly expecting him to gouge out the snake’s eyes just to give him another on-the-nose reason for his nickname. Missed opportunity lol.

Flashback to Big Boss losing an eye in MGS3.

 

[emc5466]

Man this was a pretty boring movie. I don’t know much about GI Joe or its characters so I wasn’t upset about the changes they made to Snake Eyes but I just found it boring in general.

This movie has nothing to do with GI Joe. Finally watched this last week because it’s free on Amazon prime and it was as bad as everyone claimed it to be.

Everything that made Snake Eyes cool and mysterious in the comics isn’t in this film. Henry Golding is horribly miscast and is blown off the screen by Andrew Koji. Another Hasbro/Paramount dumpster fire.

 

[Spider-Fan]

I just watched this on Paramount Plus for the first time. Holy crap this was garbage

 

[TheVileOne]

I just watched this on Paramount Plus for the first time. Holy crap this was garbage

Even the idea of some fun cool action can't save the movie because the action is spastic and it's impossible to see what's going on onscreen.

Live action GI Joe is starting to become like live action Resident Evil.

 

[Hunter Rider]

Free to watch on Amazon Prime in the UK should anyone wish to partake.

 

[Deck Rickard]

Free to watch on Amazon Prime in the UK should anyone wish to partake.

Don’t do it!

 

[AndrewGilkison]

I... watched this tonight. What was the deal with the giant snakes? If the bad guy has a glowing rock that can incinerate people why wasn't he just able to wipe out everyone at the end? To be honest this movie didn't really captivate me.