Justice League pitch I did

[Sharkfestation]

Due to how horrible the Justice League movie casting, script, and many other things I have already mentioned before. I'm really considering writing a JLA pitch. I want the film to take place five years after the thrid Nolan Batman film( when Batman is far more experienced), the Green Lantern film, the Flash film, and the SR sequel (which I have already wrote a rough pitch, but haven't send it to WB).
* Just so you know when you read my pitch for the SR sequel. I tried solving the problems of SR had. I originally wrote it back 2006 and posted on various sites. I gotton some decent feed back from it. Here is one I posted on Bluetights a couple of monthes ago. It's under dinosaurfest,
[URL="http://www.bluetights.net/theplanet/showthread.php?t=25895&page=2"]http://www.bluetights.net/theplanet/showthread.php?t=25895&page=2[/URL]
But anyway, the line up would be
Superman
Batman
Wonder Woman
Green Lantern(John Stewart)
Flash(Wally West)
Black Canary
J'onn Jonzz
The basic plot would be J'onn uniting the heroes to fight off an alien invasion. I want to make up an alien villain instead using one from the comics due to the fact that you have more freedom with a character you created. Here is a early, quick concept sketch I did for what the aliens should look like,

I want to try make feel like the world the heroes live in is our world. I want it to feel realistic and fantastic at the same time.
My pitch
Thousands of years ago, a advanced alien race inhabited and prospered on Mars. Untill one day, a cosmic storm hit the planet bringing in a varmpire like alien race to the planet. The martains tried to fight off the aliens but failed. The aliens feed on them and took away their abilties Untill one day, J'onn Jo'zz and a group of rebel martians make one final desperate attack. Dispite being able to lock the aliens an interdimensional prison, he was the last of his kind.

Thousands of years later, Wayne Enterprises and NASA funded a space program known as Hunter. When to craft landed Mars, it accidentally released the aliens from their interdimensional prison. They soon send advanced agents to disable Earth's denfenses.
Five years later, Batman has noticed recent hackings into the deep space montiering network and the world's denfense systems. With the help of Superman, they discover they dealing with beings not from this world and soon discover their plot. However it's to late, the aliens started to invade Earth. Despite their attempts to stop them, they failed along with Earth's armies.
J'onn lands on Earth in hope to help the humans fight the aliens, but he captured by the U.S air force officials how reveal to J'onn that their are aliens themselves.

J'onn mentally contacts the Superman, Batman, Princess Diana, Flash, Green Lanern, and Black Canary to free him and help him fight off the invaders. One of them is Princess Diana of the Themyscria a.k.a Wonder Woman. Dispite her mother, telling her to not to even think of helping those "savages". However, she betrays her mother and joins J'onn defense group. The heroes are successful in fighting off the invaders untill all of them but Batman who is assumed died are captured and brought to trial of The Council. The Council decides their pushiment, death!

They attept to drian out their bodies with their tube like togues. Untill Batman out of no where throws explosive Batarang at one of the Council member's hide which realeses J'onn from their telepatchic grip. The alien guards surround him then pulls a bottle of gasoline from his belt and pours it around the aliens. The aliens all but laugh at what he's doing untill he lights a match on the gasoline. The fire instantly kills the aliens becasue it's their weakness. Realeased from the telepatchic grip of the Council, the heroes fight and kill of the aliens in the mothership. The heroes fight, kill, and scare off all of aliens on the planet. However, people wonder what they would do if the invaders ever returned. Batman decides to buit a space station called the Watchtower for the them in case of another alien invasion. Superman decides to keep the group perminate and forms the Justice League. The final scene on the movie shows all seven changing out of their alter-egos and fighting Starro just like they did the Brave and the Bold 28.

I'm working on a script right now. I posted my idea on other message boards and gotton great feedback

 

[protocida]

I Don't think you should use new Aliens.

White Marcians would be better.

 

[Showtime]

One of your sketches is a little...erotic?

 

[Sharkfestation]

I Don't think you should use new Aliens.

White Marcians would be better.

You have more freedom with a new villain then an old villain. I really want to focus more on the heroes. The first concept sketch I did was a quick one ( I'm only 14 you know). The second one was a painting that one created by a friend of mine on a message board and was based on my quick one. What do you guys think of the story in general.

 

[SuperMonkey]

One of your sketches is a little...erotic?

alien lovelick


*barfs*

--DisgustedBob

 

[Sharkfestation]

Well, it's not what you think. It is their tougue. I think I might change the design because of that comment.

 

[Sasso]

I honestly can't believe you designed an alien's 'tougue' to look like a penis with a needle for it's tip. You need to change the entire alien design. Even without the penis, it looks like a Xenomorph knock-off.

 

[protocida]

The Alien is Horrible.

You should stick to a comic Book race. There are so many! Dominios, White Marcians, Khundians...

 

[RobC]

Um, WB will have several problems -

1 - The aliens are exactly like the queen thing out of Alien
2 - The story seems to be three different movies meshed together, namely Alien and Ghosts of Mars
3 - Your characters have stupid names (That may sound insulting, and i'm sorry, but this is the type of thing WB will say)
4 - Your pitch is way too short, by about a page
5 - You have no character bio
6 - The story doesn't really run together

Sorry man, I mean it's a good idea, and fair play you're only 14 or so, but it's just not good enough.

I sound like such a doosh. PM me if you want any hints or tips though...

I've had pitch sessions and preliminary talks with most of the major UK film studios, so I know what i'm talking about.

 

[Sharkfestation]

Um, WB will have several problems -

1 - The aliens are exactly like the queen thing out of Alien
2 - The story seems to be three different movies meshed together, namely Alien and Ghosts of Mars
3 - Your characters have stupid names (That may sound insulting, and i'm sorry, but this is the type of thing WB will say)
4 - Your pitch is way too short, by about a page
5 - You have no character bio
6 - The story doesn't really run together

Sorry man, I mean it's a good idea, and fair play you're only 14 or so, but it's just not good enough.

I sound like such a doosh. PM me if you want any hints or tips though...

I've had pitch sessions and preliminary talks with most of the major UK film studios, so I know what i'm talking about.

Which characters have stupid names? A pitch is just something that tells you the basics of the story, these aliens are early designs, and what do you mean by "You have no character bio and The story doesn't really run together". Most these guys didn't read what I said, I wanted create new alien race because you have more freedom with a chracter you created, you won't have people wouldn't complain that you messed them up if they were from the comics, and you have more time to focus on the heroes. About that whole penis thing, the togue is supposed to come out of it's stomach. Notice that it is between the ribs. However, since the togue is so huge, it appears that it is their penis. I will come up with a second design soon.

 

[Sharkfestation]

http://talkbacksenate.proboards54.c...ation&action=display&thread=1202355524&page=1
Here's the site I orginally posted on.

 

[RobC]

Which characters have stupid names? A pitch is just something that tells you the basics of the story,
these aliens are early designs, and what do you mean by "You have no character bio and The story doesn't really run together". Most these guys didn't read what I said, I wanted create new alien race because you have more freedom with a chracter you created, you won't have people wouldn't complain that you messed them up if they were from the comics, and you have more time to focus on the heroes.

Ok, here goes -

1 - J'azz and J'ozz or however you put it, those are stupid names right there, and I guarantee everyone thinks the same. WB would tell you to change those, trust me.

2 - I know what a pitch is, you however, clearly do not. I've had pitch sessions with executives at various UK film and tv companies, and it involved a lot more then a braingasm on a sheet of paper.

3 - You have no biographies for the characters, which you need, for all of them. Hell, even wikipedia that stuff.

4 - You're story doesn't run together, why are the aliens angry that humans are on Mars? How did Batman know throwing a bat-a-rang would disrupt the forcefield? How do these people know how to destroy them with fire? Why does he have gasoline hanging from his belt? Shall I continue?

5 - I agree, the new alien race makes much more sense, 'cause enough people are gonna ***** about the story anyways, that the nature of making comic book movies.

Like I said, consider this a constructive criticism, I know I come across heavy-handed, but I see myself 6 years ago. You just braingasm onto an empty word document and then struggle for structure.

PM me if you want anymore help, seriously, I think you have some interesting ideas and i'm thinking about a JL project myself.

 

[Sharkfestation]

The aliens are hungry for humans because there was nothing to feed on Mars, J'onn J'ozz sounds more martian then Martian Manhunter, Batman notices during a explosion that the aliens instantly run in fear away from the fire, Batman carries gasoline so he could quickly spread the fire through the mothership, and the Council member was to busy trying to feast on J'onn to avoide the batarang. Here's bios your talking about. My Flash and Green Lantern are still Walley West and John Stewart, but their origins are far more like Barry Allen and Hal Jordan.

Superman/Kal-El/Clark Kent: The last son on long died world called Krypton. He crashed on to Earth and was raised by the Kents. Their moral and christian values caused him to use his vast powers for good. He now works at the great metropolitan newspaper, The Daily Planet and is disguised as Clark Kent.

Batman/Bruce Wayne: After seeing his parents in cold blood by an un sympathetic gunman.
He vowed revenge over his parents' deathes and trained for years by the greatest martial artiests, experts in detective skills, science, warfare and technology. He disguises as billionare playboy, philanthropist, and owner of Wayne Enterprises, Bruce Wayne by day. However by night, he is the creature of night and stops at nothing to terrorized crimmals. He uses his wealth stock on equipment for his war on crime and sometimes even society.
I will write more another time, gotta go

 

[RobC]

The aliens are hungry for humans because there was nothing to feed on Mars, J'onn J'ozz sounds more martian then Martian Manhunter, Batman notices during a explosion that the aliens instantly run in fear away from the fire, Batman carries gasoline so he could quickly spread the fire through the mothership, and the Council member was to busy trying to feast on J'onn to avoide the batarang. Here's bios your talking about. My Flash and Green Lantern are still Walley West and John Stewart, but their origins are far more like Barry Allen and Hal Jordan.

Superman/Kal-El/Clark Kent: The last son on long died world called Krypton. He crashed on to Earth and was raised by the Kents. Their moral and christian values caused him to use his vast powers for good. He now works at the great metropolitan newspaper, The Daily Planet and is disguised as Clark Kent.

Batman/Bruce Wayne: After seeing his parents in cold blood by an un sympathetic gunman.
He vowed revenge over his parents' deathes and trained for years by the greatest martial artiests, experts in detective skills, science, warfare and technology. He disguises as billionare playboy, philanthropist, and owner of Wayne Enterprises, Bruce Wayne by day. However by night, he is the creature of night and stops at nothing to terrorized crimmals. He uses his wealth stock on equipment for his war on crime and sometimes even society.
I will write more another time, gotta go

You're going about this all the wrong way.

Look, start a folder, copy and pasta the wikipedia entries to all your characters into seperate word documents. Now start a new document and write the numbers 1 to 50. Make a plot point against every number, then you're getting somewhere. Now take those points and expand them into paragraphs.

Remember, if I can pick holes in your treatment after reading it once, WB ain't even gonna look at it.

 

[Sharkfestation]

Sorry , but can you give me an example?

 

[RobC]

Example of what?

 

[Sharkfestation]

The biography thing you mentioned.

 

[RobC]

Oh right, yeah, um, you need like name, age, height, weight etc, maybe a physical description of how you see him. Also a brief introduction to the character (Sort of like a wikipedia entry) because you've got to assume that the WB people won't know these characters. Then finally how they fit into your story.

Like your Superman bio, but 10X longer. It should be about a page, two pages long.

 

[Sharkfestation]

I will do the biography thing after I actually finish the script.

 

[RobC]

Big mistake. Until you have the bio's, you have no idea of how a character would react in the script situation.

Look no offense, but you're going about this in all the wrong way.

 

[Sharkfestation]

This is my first time. When I writing a pitch, I had some wikipedia articles and comic books for reference.

 

[RobC]

Yeah that's excellent, but you need to have it all.

Sorry man, I know i'm coming across as a real *****e but i'm trying to help, giving you the advice as it was given to me and stuff.