Broken - Short Film

[Asteroid-Man]

Hey guys,
I just thought I'd post a short film I made. As a lot of you know, I'm studying film, and as an application to my next program I was required to submit some sort of a piece (either a story, a script, an edited short, a directed short, a shot short or a score for a short - I went ahead and did it all). It is my first short film (thus amateurish mistakes) but for my first film I'm rather happy with how it turned out - I also learned a lot from the mistakes I made.

Here it is:
[YT]llykaN_cbD4&hd=1[/YT]
Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llykaN_cbD4&hd=1

I was going to post this is "Fan Art" but it's not really fan-work. Any and all constructive criticism is wanted!

Thanks hypesters!

 

[Asteroid-Man]

Come on, guys - nothing?

 

[Ponyboy]

Your sound and vocals could use a little bit of work - it's all a bit muddy.

Some of the dialogue is almost impossible to understand... Also the script could be stronger to help support your story more.

it's hard to do I know, I've been there & done that my friend. Keep going forward, you will only get better.

 

[Asteroid-Man]

We had really good audio equipment. The boom mic was buzzing, so the sound recorder turned down the input volume as I fixed it, and then he forgot to turn it back up so I was forced to use the camera mic - no precautions were taken as I was unaware of this fault until post.

And I'll keep what you said about the script in mind. The story was mine but I had a friend write the script - I was in charge of editing the script, so ultimately your suggestion is something for me to keep in mind for future reference.

Thanks for the criticism Ponyboy! Hopefully I can apply it to my next short!

 

[Bobber]

Short films are tricky. They're quite hard to do without seeming shallow.
I'd suggest trying a less heavy subject next time, as it can seem like forced drama, and you're not really in any position to offer a real insight into drug abuse in two-three minute short film.

 

[Ponyboy]

Agreed with Bobber. That's what I meant by the "story" needing some work. Most people find short films to be "pretentious"... but they're a necessary part you have to play in getting a gig in the industry.

 

[Wolfwood]

I agree, the technical aspects show promise, but I think it would serve you better to choose a different subject matter. Humor, horror and mystery work really well in a short film format.

 

[Hurm...]

Pretty much agree with everyone else.

How did you edit the film?

 

[Asteroid-Man]

Short films are tricky. They're quite hard to do without seeming shallow.
I'd suggest trying a less heavy subject next time, as it can seem like forced drama, and you're not really in any position to offer a real insight into drug abuse in two-three minute short film.

Yeah, that's true. Thanks, I'll keep that in mind.

Agreed with Bobber. That's what I meant by the "story" needing some work. Most people find short films to be "pretentious"... but they're a necessary part you have to play in getting a gig in the industry.

Unfortunately yeah, you're right.

I agree, the technical aspects show promise, but I think it would serve you better to choose a different subject matter. Humor, horror and mystery work really well in a short film format.

Thanks for the bit about the technical aspects! And yeah humour and horror are best for the format but I don't want to get in to either of those, haha. I think I'll have to run through multiple stories before choosing my next.

Pretty much agree with everyone else.

How did you edit the film?

I used Sony Vegas to edit and After Effects to RotoBrush.