Create your own ridiculous conspiracy theory!

[JJJ's Ulcer]

I hope I'm not the only one sick of seeing people on the internet blame conspiracies for everything from 9/11 to the Newtown shootings to the Boston bombings to Rihanna's popularity. I generally find them idiotic and offensive. But even more, I find the ulterior explanations to be like lazy, hackneyed fan-fic that was retold by a paranoid schitzophrenic on meds. So let's see how easy it is to blame historical news events on the sinister machinations of the shadowy government. Make your own conspiracy theory about a historical event that's so far in the past it's almost universally undisputed. I think this is a good exercise to show just how dumb conspiracy theories generally are.

Anyway I'll start:

The British didn't really invade the 13 colonies and try to enforce taxation. It was a secret 14th colony that was covertly funded by Benjamin Franklin as a "black flag" operation to convince Americans to form a union of states that would be co-dependent on each other and usher in the birth of big, federal government. In truth, the 14th colony was the missing Jamestown colony. To add authenticity to the operation, Franklin dressed them in thousands of coats he had dyed red at the print-shop he worked at. He also made them take theater classes and memorize Shakespeare plays to help them learn and absorb the British dialect and intonation. When the operation was deemed a success and goals were achieved, Franklin gave the order to the 14th colony to stand down and surrender. At which point they quietly assimilated back into America.


See how easy that is? Who's next?



EDIT: Mods if you think this thread should go elsewhere like Community Diner, feel free to move it.

 

[SV Fan]

I hope I'm not the only one sick of seeing people on the internet blame conspiracies for everything from 9/11 to the Newtown shootings to the Boston bombings to Rihanna's popularity.

I think the problem with conspiracies is that people that schill them will point to stuff that is easy to prove and never get reported(although should be a bigger issue) to give themselves cred. Once they have the creed they start asking questions about other things that don't get reported(and probably shouldn't in the first place) and by proxy a person will say well they are right about that one thing(that should be an issue), maybe they are onto something about this thing.

How many times do you see the conspiracy types for instance report stuff like Banking frauds before it becomes actual news when a scandal breaks. It basically gives a level of cred to the person who reports the issue first

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

I think the problem with conspiracies is that people that schill them will point to stuff that is easy to prove and never get reported(although should be a bigger issue) to give themselves cred. Once they have the creed they start asking questions about other things that don't get reported(and probably shouldn't in the first place) and by proxy a person will say well they are right about that one thing(that should be an issue), maybe they are onto something about this thing.

How many times do you see the conspiracy types for instance report stuff like Banking frauds before it becomes actual news when a scandal breaks. It basically gives a level of cred to the person who reports the issue first

Conspiracies DO exist, but I'm not talking about banking insitutions cooking books. I'm talking about the black helicopter crap that Alex Jones rants about on his radio show every day, and I don't think he's ever been right about anything. I think he's a parasite cynically leeching off and exploiting each tragedy to push his own political agenda (govt is trying to take our guns) with no regard for very real victims and suffering behind these tragedies. People prone to conspiracy theories shape new events around their already existing paranoid world view. Now, if you have one or two events with serious inconsistencies that raise your suspicion, I can understand that. The Gulf of Tonkin incident is one event where I do think events were purposely distorted by the government in order to push war with Vietnam. But what I don't respect are these nutballs who are jumping on every shooting or terrorist attack and trying to use them to present some weird illuminati conspiracy, or that the Muslim brotherhood has infiltrated the Obama administration. It's a bunch of paranoia fuelled crap and I'm sick of fighting it with logic.

So that's why I made this thread. Let's make fun of it instead.

 

[SV Fan]

Conspiracies DO exist, but I'm not talking about banking insitutions cooking books.

I am just saying the Alex Jones types use legit conspiracies to give themselves some cred(in terms of reporting legit news that Mainstream media ignores) so when they hash there more out their conspiracies they get more focus then they should because people will say well if he is right about that one thing the media didn't report maybe he is right about the other thing.

Personally I think there is room for people who will question everything(no matter how ridiculous it is on occasion) because let's be honest the news media we have now many times fails at reporting what is real news and many times have their own little agenda(read that not screwing over advertisers) so somebody has to keep an eye on the government

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

I am just saying the Alex Jones types use legit conspiracies to give themselves some cred(in terms of reporting legit news that Mainstream media ignores) so when they hash there more out their conspiracies they get more focus then they should because people will say well if he is right about that one thing the media didn't report maybe he is right about the other thing.

I'm not aware of a single REAL conspiracy that Alex Jones has blown wide open.

Personally I think there is room for people who will question everything(no matter how ridiculous it is on occasion) because let's be honest the news media we have now many times fails at reporting what is real news and many times have their own little agenda(read that not screwing over advertisers) so somebody has to keep an eye on the government

I disagree. Questioning to find answers is fine. There's nothing wrong with asking hard questions to get to the truth of something. But constructing your own fevered paranoid fantasy and claiming that's the truth is an entirely other matter. Like I said, they craft their theories around their pre-existing world views, which are usually influenced by a high degree of paranoia and crap they read or hear online. They disregard the 95% of evidence that contradicts their views and focus on the remaining 5% or so of minor media flubs or unanswered questions to push their agenda. There is absolutely no room for idiots who think the Newtown shootings were staged, that Obama is a secret Muslim "manchurian candidate" or that the Boston bombers were set up by the government. Conspiracy theorists are not crusading, gorilla journalists. They're dangerously misinformed internet trolls and ranting nutjobs.

 

[enterthemadness]

I play this game, even though I believe in conspiracies.


Microsoft and Apple make most of the viruses and crap that infects one's computers or Mac. Why? So companies can get rich with making new anti virus, anti spyware, etc crap every year!


As for Alex Jones or Mark Dice for that matter being right....Georgia Guidestones are pure evil. But for the sake of this thread...

Georgia Guidestones were built by rich men for kicks and giggles. Why? Well when you got money, might as well get people talking and seeing chaos happen.

 

[SV Fan]

I'm not aware of a single REAL conspiracy that Alex Jones has blown wide open.

As I said he constantly reports on stuff that can be proved that the mainstream media doesn't touch(such as the banks screwing us over(way before the banking crisis of 2008), how Monsanto or Big Pharma pull their political weight to screw people over, etc).

For years the so called conspiracy nuts reported of this so called fictitious "Bilderberg Group" and the main stream media would just laugh at them like it didn't exist, yet in the past 5 years or so it's been proven to exist. I am sorry when you have 100s of big political and financial players gathered together that should be front page news and I don't see CNN sending one person to hang out their.

As I said once they have the cred of reporting legit stuff, then they come up with way out their theories to try push there agenda(such as Newton or Boston)

 

[enterthemadness]

Here's another one that may actually explain things in Hollywood.

Hollywood has picked up that conspiracies make money and also like to see if those folk pick up on things and what not. Thus, why you see the cool all seeing eye in lots of programs on Cartoon Network, Nick, Disney. And why people also have Owl shirts in hollywood on tv shows and in real life at events. Cause conspiraices are the ''in'' thing now, so agents and managers tell their celeb(s) to ''Wear this Owl shirt, it's in these days' or ''Wear this shirt with this cool single eye on it, it looks cool. Brah.'' Or make this music video with all these symbols cause it is gonna create buzz blah blah.

I've seen the all seeing eye a few times in Adventure Time on Cartoon Network. To be fair, since that show takes place after a Nuke War went off and magic/radiation caused things to go ''awesome'' in the new world...I don't see a problem with it.

This one is actually a conspiracy theory, but it is...well...silly:

Mark Dice and Alex Jones are actually CIA agents being told to stir up trouble for blah blah blah and report blah blah.

 

[enterthemadness]

As I said he constantly reports on stuff that can be proved that the mainstream media doesn't touch(such as the banks screwing us over(way before the banking crisis of 2008), how Monsanto or Big Pharma pull their political weight to screw people over, etc).

For years the so called conspiracy nuts reported of this so called fictitious "Bilderberg Group" and the main stream media would just laugh at them like it didn't exist, yet in the past 5 years or so it's been proven to exist. I am sorry when you have 100s of big political and financial players gathered together that should be front page news and I don't see CNN sending one person to hang out their.

As I said once they have the cred of reporting legit stuff, then they come up with way out their theories to try push there agenda(such as Newton or Boston)

I was at the wiki page for that group. And found a quote that was cited. It reidrected to The Guardian, 2001 interview. Only read page 3, but it was nice. They ''claim'' to be basically a club, like a Golf Club or what not. Although on man said they have discussed one world govt, cause what is the point of killing each other and nothing ever changes. Who knows. Whic brings me to...

Bilderblerg

It's real, but everybody is so, so, soooooo, wrong. It's nothing more than rich people eating great food, playing golf, playing video games, and making fun of 3rd parties, libertarians, and conspiracy theories. Oh, and they are getting first dibs on the Xbox 720 and PS4 this year. Obama went last year and won 48-14 over Jeb Bush with TEBOW in at QB on the Bears. I know... I know...but in video games, Tebow can actually compete a damn pass. Crazy.

 

[Soapy]

Ridiculous theory: The world is a kind, fair, and beautiful place where shady **** never goes down. Everything is always exactly as it seems and no one should ever question anything.

 

[voyzovrezon]

Anyway I'll start:

The British didn't really invade the 13 colonies and try to enforce taxation. It was a secret 14th colony that was covertly funded by Benjamin Franklin as a "black flag" operation to convince Americans to form a union of states that would be co-dependent on each other and usher in the birth of big, federal government. In truth, the 14th colony was the missing Jamestown colony. To add authenticity to the operation, Franklin dressed them in thousands of coats he had dyed red at the print-shop he worked at. He also made them take theater classes and memorize Shakespeare plays to help them learn and absorb the British dialect and intonation. When the operation was deemed a success and goals were achieved, Franklin gave the order to the 14th colony to stand down and surrender. At which point they quietly assimilated back into America.


See how easy that is? Who's next?

Brilliant!

Don't think I can top that, but I'm gonna think about it.

 

[voyzovrezon]

Megachurch pastor Joel Osteen is actually part of the Illuminati alien lizard people. He came to earth the usual way and took form as a human to deceive mankind into thinking that if they only believe that god wants them to be happy and successful, then he can form a minion of followers to send him money. The money (at least part of it off the accounting books) is being used to build teleport devices to build a cosmic black hole bridge between his world and ours. Then when the time is right, he will reveal himself as the true messiah and build an empire on earth and make everyone that doesn't smile all the time pour foundations, till the land, and plant and pick crops for the global Illuminati Elitists Lizard allied forces.

How did I do?

 

[DareDemon]

Osama bin Laden dated George Bush in high school, who broke bin Laden's heart. As an adult, bin Laden went through years of testosterone boosters and painful surgery. His birth name was Jane Fonda.

 

[Shockdingo]

Guys, I know about it....

Charlie Brown’s sister had blonde somewhat spiked hair. Charlie Brown is at times called “Chuck” and is bald and leads a pained and frustrated existence. Charlie Brown likes the little red headed girl. Charlie Brown’s mother had an affair with Wolverine- a mutant, an outsider. Charles Schultz sympathized with REDs- the Communist Party. He felt lonely as a deep cover mole and wanted to express his pain. Stan Lee felt his pain psychically and created the X-men with Jack Kirby. Fast forward to Asteroid M. M as in McCarthy…a certain senator McCarthy, bigwig behind the red scare. This was done to mock him years later saying they got away with it and were and ARE indoctrinating our children and used the ugly response to the persecution of folks as a rallying tool. In the Marvel Comics, President Obama is the president currently in that universe. Socialism and time travel. Man of the moon. The Beast of Yucca Flats.

I win, I broke the scoop! I swear if this all gets proven false, I’ll blame the whistleblower, get covered in a….substance, and swear vengeance upon him, haunt him for years, get a bit ill, get better, realizes the error of my ways and start wearing red, fashionable threads.

 

[Victarion]

The Illuminati sent JJJ's Ulcer to create this thread to throw us off the trail since no one listens to Enterthemadness anymore.

 

[Alex_Spider]

Was the Titanic a death trap designed to murder billionaires like John Jacob Astor who withstood J. P. Morgan and Rockefeller’s plan for the Federal Reserve banking system now robbing the entire world, while financing international wars?

Before you dismiss this as “conspiracy theory” you might want to read the book “Futility, the Wreck of the Titan” published in 1898, which predicted this event in almost exact detail 14 years before it happened!

The novel is about a ship called the Titan, the largest ocean liner in the world that sinks in the North Atlantic after hitting an ice shelf—virtually identical to the Titanic disaster.

A hundred years before James Cameron turned *****ebaggery into an art form at the Oscars, American author Morgan Robertson wrote a ****** book called Futility, or the Wreck of the Titan, about the sinking of an "unsinkable" ocean liner. When you see the cover, you figure you're pretty clearly looking at a fictionalized version of the Titanic story.

The similarities between Robertson's work and the Titanic disaster are so astounding that one has to imagine if White Star Line built Titanic to Robertson's specs as a dare. The Titan was described as "the largest craft afloat and the greatest of the works of men," "equal to that of a first class hotel," and, of course, "unsinkable".
Both ships were British-owned steel vessels, both around 800 feet long and sank after hitting an iceberg in the North Atlantic, in April, "around midnight." Sound like enough to keep you up at night? Maybe that's why Robertson republished the book in 1912 just in case enough people didn't know that he wrote it.

Where it Gets Even Weirder:
While the novel does bear some curious coincidences with the Titanic disaster, there are quite a few things that Robertson got flat wrong. For one, the Titanic did not crash into an iceberg "400 miles from Newfoundland" at 25 knots. It crashed into an iceberg 400 miles from Newfoundland at 22.5 knots.
Wait, what the ****? That's one hell of a lucky guess!

In 1838, future horror-god Edgar Allan Poe released a book called The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket, his only full novel. The book was such a bomb that Poe eventually agreed with his critics that it was "a very silly book" (yet still good enough to inspire heavyweights like Jules Verne and Herman Melville to write Moby Dick and An Antarctic Mystery--yes, Poe was a badass).

Where it Gets Weird:
Poe did a Blair Witch thing with his novel, which claimed to be based on true events. This turned out to be a half-truth: The real life events simply had not happened yet.
One scene in The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket visits a whaling ship lost at sea, taking with it all but four crewmen. Out of food, the men drew lots to see who would be eaten, the unfortunate decision landing on a young cabin boy named Richard Parker.

Forty-six years later, there was an actual disaster at sea involving the Mignonette. It became famous due to the legal consequences of some gruesome events on board, specifically the way the men drew lots and decided to eat their cabin boy...
Where it Gets Even Weirder:
...who was named Richard Parker 17 years old.

The bizarre story was discovered decades later by Nigel Parker, a distant cousin of the Richard Parker who got eaten. You can only imagine what the **** went through his mind when he stumbled upon the connection.

Hell, this was us!
And that would go down as the freakiest unintentional prediction of future events in a work of fiction, if it were not completely blown away by...

http://www.cracked.com/article_18421_6-insane-coincidences-you-wont-believe-actually-happened.html

 

[Godzilla2000]

McDonald's Restaurants are actually a Russian plot to make Americans fat and lazy.

 

[Hobgoblin]

McDonald's Restaurants are actually a Russian plot to make Americans fat and lazy.

I actually remember someone on the radio saying back in the 90's that Monica Lewinsky was part of a Russian plot. She was trained to seduce and disrupt the presidency.


Sometimes I wonder if pharmaceuticals work with the food industry to keep people fat and dependent on health products. Not that I actually believe that but it does occur to me at times.

 

[Godzilla2000]

I actually remember someone on the radio saying back in the 90's that Monica Lewinsky was part of a Russian plot. She was trained to seduce and disrupt the presidency.

I don't think I've heard of that one, of course I really don't pay too much attention to conspiracy theories anyway. I was just making that one I posted up in my head.

 

[Hobgoblin]

I don't think I've heard of that one, of course I really don't pay too much attention to conspiracy theories anyway. I was just making that one I posted up in my head.

See how easy it is to make up a "real" conspiracy theory?

 

[Godzilla2000]

Yep! You can take any meaningless coincidence or natural human behavior and blow it out of proportion.

 

[voyzovrezon]

The government is manufacturing weapons of mass weather. Aircraft hover above the clouds and produce a climatic change in air pressure and fronts, forming disaster storms of epic proportions, including tornadoes. These increase severity of weather patters will be propagated by the media for the government to take action and promote hybrid cars and destabilize the fossil fuel industry and form a market for liberal alternatives that will hurt the economy and drive businesses that depend on oil to move offshore.

This one is actually based on ideas propagated by Alex Jones.

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/05/...-talk-finally-drive-gop-away-from-alex-jones/

 

[Midnyte_Sun]

Michael Hastings was assassinated. :-(

 

[Donnie Darko]

Magic Johnson NEVER had HIV/AIDS. During the huge AIDS scare of the 1980s/early 90s, many people demonized people who had the disease, as they thought it was their own lifestyle choices (homosexuality and drug use) that exposed them to the disease. To combat this stereotype and give a friendly "face" to the disease, Magic Johnson was either persuaded or volunteered to say that he was HIV positive. At the time, doctors/researchers probably thought a cure was on the horizon, so Magic staying healthy and, you know, not dying wouldn't be an issue.

 

[zeroapoc]

Skrulls are real, and have infested all world governments.