How do you define who is your friend?

[Thundercrack85]

I had a rather interesting discussion, with an American colleague about how different cultures define friendship.

I find that Americans are rather quick to use the label. Which at first, seems like a good thing. But as a result, American friendships clearly lack the depth or meaningfulness that they do in many other cultures. Most American friendships would barely qualify as acquaintanceships in European countries.

I imagine this is how rhetorical phrases like "how are you?" and "how's it going?" turned into the American equivalent of "hello".

Facebook I feel has taken this trend to its logical conclusion, and labels anyone you know, who you don't openly dislike a "friend".

I'm curious though, how do people here define friends? Can someone be your friend if you've never been to their house? Would you ask them for help if you were in trouble? Etc.

 

[jonathancrane]

I have a scale.

1. Colleague.
2. Acquaintance.
3. Acquaintance, Level 2 (I use the descriptor "well acquainted.")
4.Friend
5. Almost best friend, but for varying reasons, I do not divulge everything about myself to them.
6. Best friend. Peak of human trust. I reveal the Batcave to them.

 

[Feenix]

I think Facebook has ruined the term "friend." I know people who have over 1,000 Facebook friends and most of them they only met once or not even at all! I know someone who will accept a friend request from anyone, without bothering to check if she even knows the person.

My definition of a friend is someone who I can call up to join me for beer and wings and it wouldn't be weird or awkward. By that definition, there are only a handful of people that I would consider friends.

If I only know someone's stories because they post them on Facebook, that person would not be a friend to me. They would merely be someone on Facebook.

 

[KevanG]

I have a few levels.
1) Someone I know/work with. Not really know them, don't really care.
2) Someone I'll pal around with but not much more.
3) I know them well and I consider them friendly.
4) We hang out and do stuff together on occasion.
5) Best friend. I have one. I've known him for 15 years and we're practically brothers. Our mothers even have the same name.

 

[Fallen Angel]

Colleague/Acquaintance

Acquaintance/Friend

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

A friend with weed is a friend indeed.



But seriously... American friendships lack the depth of European ones? Please.... If anything as a New Yorker who comes across people of foreign origins all the time there is a sense to me that they are too quick to extend friendship to people they recently met. My friend Ingela from Stockholm often makes the distinction between her experience with people in Sweden as opposed to the US, saying that she found Americans friendlier. Just saying... Let's ALL of us not paint a broad brush as people are going to each have anecdotal evidence to back up any claim.

 

[Ant-manic]

if i would cry over their death, i consider them to be a friend.

 

[Thundercrack85]

I'm not saying Americans aren't "friendly". On the surface, they're probably the most friendly people around. But there is a difference between someone waving at you from the car, and having a meaningful relationship.

Having lived in America and several European countries, I can only speak from personal experience and what others have told me.

Plus the studies show that the lack of close friendships in America is a growing problem.

Take Germany. In Germany, a friend is someone who will take a bullet for you. Anything less than that, is not a friend. Same deal in Russia.

Naturally, all these cultures are much more reserved.

Talk to expats some time, they'll tell you.

 

[DarkSovereignty]

I make them compete for my friendship in a series of life threatening tests and challenges. To be my friend, you must be a survivor.

 

[Thundercrack85]

if i would cry over their death, i consider them to be a friend.

That's actually a really good definition.

 

[Mandon Knight]

A friend to me is someone that in your life and you in their's feels secure, loved, wanted, accepted, appreciated, valued, you can be honest with, included with, share time with and you feel better for it and someone whose part in your life helps define it.

 

[KevanG]

I make them compete for my friendship in a series of life threatening tests and challenges. To be my friend, you must be a survivor.

You only take reality show contestants?

 

[Sawyer]

If we've interacted one-on-one and I don't contemplate either A.) walking away from you mid-sentence, or B.) getting physically violent.... then yeah, I think we'll probably be pretty good friends.

 

[WolfCypher]

A friend is someone I trust enough almost like my closest family.

A best friend is like a brother. A best friend knows me to a tee. A best friend can do the worst thing possible and I forgive them. I have two I've known for 17 years. That's over half my life. They moved out of the state and we kept in touch for years (I eventually moved too and we all became roommates for a while). I've known "friends" who lost touch with me simply because we had different homeroom classes in middle school. We still went to the same school, and lived on the same block. Because our classes changed, we stopped being friends. Yet two people who moved across the United States stayed in touch with me. I've stirred the pot in ways that we shouldn't even be friends, and all was forgiven. That's a best friend.

Real friends are rare enough, and I have two best friends.

 

[Andrew Lucas]

A friend is someone I trust enough almost like my closest family.

A best friend is like a brother. A best friend knows me to a tee. A best friend can do the worst thing possible and I forgive them. I have two I've known for 17 years. That's over half my life. They moved out of the state and we kept in touch for years (I eventually moved too and we all became roommates for a while). I've known "friends" who lost touch with me simply because we had different homeroom classes in middle school. We still went to the same school, and lived on the same block. Because our classes changed, we stopped being friends. Yet two people who moved across the United States stayed in touch with me. I've stirred the pot in ways that we shouldn't even be friends, and all was forgiven. That's a best friend.

Real friends are rare enough, and I have two best friends.

 

[BLACKVULCAN]

okay i am game!
my definition goes. i have used it a for awhile now and in terms we can all understand

Xmen- someone would stand with you against switch blade welding thugs!
Sidekicks- they are cool for drinks but i wouldn't let them borrow my car.
Lackeys- they could go either way!
Henchmen- they are supervillians in training!
Supervillians- i wouldnt trust them around my dog or my girl!

I have only known only one Xman in my life maybe 2

 

[C. Lee]

Some people just beg for infractions.......

 

[MessiahDecoy123]

If I can be myself around them without being judged and we enjoy each other's company for many, many visits then I would consider them a friend.

 

[runawayboulder]

Trust. Plain and simple.

The ones I trust are still in my life. The ones I don't are not. Took me a while to figure that out about life but I'm glad I did.

 

[Feenix]

Some people just beg for infractions.......

Wrong thread?

 

[Persistence]

He deleted the post, I was kind of surprised when I read it.

I agree with OP that America tends to cultivate a bit more narcissistic, secluded culture than others. Other countries tend to promote heritage, family, community, down time, vacation
time than we do here in America. Americans are very susceptible to commercialized ad propaganda that has a great stronghold on way we behave and how we treat others. We are sent so many signals telling us to buy the new fad product and to worry about keeping up with the Joneses and working long hours. America we work longest hours and we get least vacation time than other developed countries. Despite financial well-being relative to others, we are near top in mental illnesses...which some of us don't solve by going out in community and getting to know each other...we just buy more prescription drugs advertised to medicate us.

 

[Thundercrack85]

For the record, I wasn't trying to insinuate that Americans have no meaningful relationships period. But they do use the word "friend" much more liberally than most cultures and as a result, the entire institution loses a lot of its significance.

I've seen it called "stranger friendliness". And at times, the faux familiarity bothers me.

I think this is a relatively new trend though.

 

[Persistence]

A friend with weed is a friend indeed.



But seriously... American friendships lack the depth of European ones? Please.... If anything as a New Yorker who comes across people of foreign origins all the time there is a sense to me that they are too quick to extend friendship to people they recently met. My friend Ingela from Stockholm often makes the distinction between her experience with people in Sweden as opposed to the US, saying that she found Americans friendlier. Just saying... Let's ALL of us not paint a broad brush as people are going to each have anecdotal evidence to back up any claim.

hmm..I may agree people in America are more assertive here than other countries..but it seems just as easy to lose a friend here as is it is to make a friend. In other countries, people tend to be more patient in being your friend or getting to know you. Just my limited experience.

 

[Thundercrack85]

Easy come, easy go I suppose.

It's hard to make friends in let's say Japan, but hard to lose them as well.

 

[C. Lee]

Wrong thread?

No....referring to the person who made a crude post and the people that quoted said post....