Cracker Jack
Sidekick
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Since we're all in such an agreeable mood I thought I'd share a shot story I wrote a few years ago and posted at HM.com I don't want to start another thread so I hope you enjoy it.
A Bad Day for the Hulk
By Cracker Jack
04-20-04
"One of these days im not going to be here to help. That's right. It's always the same thing." The Hulk said. "They scream and run away saying ‘Oh no it's the Hulk.'" Putting his hands up in a sarcastic manner "Bah!" throwing his hands as if to say fooey "He's a mindless monster, he's green, he always smashes thing, he does nothing but cause trouble" he said in a snotty girly voice " Why do I care?" sinking back into the couch "Punny Humans!" he said almost under his breath "Sure it's always my fault" siting up and raising his hands in the air in defeat. "Ya ever stop to think that it's Banner that's to blame, not me? I just wanted to exist, have my freedom; the same as the next guy. But because im big and green, it's always, eek it's the Hulk, run for your life, or Kill the mindless monster." Sinking back into the couch in defeat
"Do they ever look around at the world they created?" "Do they ever stop to think im a product of the environment they created ? Did I create the Gamma Bomb? No, it wasn't me, it was Banner. And why did Banner create the Gamma Bomb? Because the punny humans and their inability to get along with one and other." he groaned. "And they have the nerve to call me stupid."he said softly, looking sadly out the window "But when the Leader or the Abomination come on the scene, it's always me that has to stop them." turning back in a louder voice. "And do you think getting repeatedly bombarded by bombs and missiles and everything else they throw at me doesn't hurt? you're out of your fricken mind!" he proclaimed.
"Just the other day. I was siting there, relaxing after handling Banners latest freak-out, he such a chicken ****, when all of a sudden, Wham!!! Im blasted by this laser bolt that comes out of nowhere. So it get up and there's Ross and his Army taken a beating from the Leader and his humanoids. Well, not that I give a flying bat turd about Ross," he said with a laugh " but that damn laser bolt hurt and pissed me off. So I jumped on in and started fighting off the stupid humanoids." sitting up quickly "Ya ever try to take on a few thousand humanoids all at the same time? Well let me tell you brother, it aint exactly recess. Sure, I go on saying the usual things, Hulk is The Strongest One There Is, Hulk Smash, The Madder the Hulk Get the Stronger the Hulk Gets, Blah, Blah, Blah, putting on a good show, but Sheesh!! I get tired of saying all that crap all the time. Anyways, I smash the stupid rubber dudes and finally get to the Leader." the Hulk sits up and leans foward and says in a low voice " Sheesh, I may not be GQ but this guy!! Damn if I was that ugly, I'd hide my face, or try to find a good plastic surgeon " he said with a chuckle. Seeing that his comment was not taken very well he coughs and leans back "Well after a few direct hits from the laser, which hurt like hell, I smashed the **** out of the Leaders latest battle wagon and saved the day. Again! And wouldn't you know it, no sooner do I stop the Leader from destroying the world, Ross and his punny little Army start blasting away at me. I mean ****!! Didn't I just save their asses from being kicked and this is the thanks I get!!" An alarm sounds and Doc Samson stands up from behind his desk and says, "Im sorry Hulk but your hour is up, we can continue this next time." The Hulk sits up from the couch and says "but doc im really starting to feel better, I mean I think we're really getting somewhere today." he pleads. "Im sorry Hulk, but I have other patients. You really must go now." The Hulk gets up from the couch "Bah" "It's always the same, I just start to get things off my cheat and someone else comes along." Handing the Hulk an appointment slip, " Same time next week big guy?" Samson says with a wink. The Hulk reaching down, grabbing the slip from Samson hand says in a sarcastic tone, "Yeah, sure, whatever you say Doc, lets just hope I don't have to stop the next loony tune from destroying the world." The Hulk leaves Samsons’ office and as he is leaving he over hears Samson say "Ok, nurse, who's next?" the voice says over the speaker phone, " Mr. Leader is waiting in the outer office, The Thing is scheduled for 3:00 pm and General Ross at 4:00 pm. Oh, and a Doctor Doom called in and said he needed to see you today, I told him I'd try to see if you could fit him in at 4:00pm." With a sigh Sampson said "Ok, well call General Ross and see if he'll come in a 5:00 instead of 4:00, then if that's ok with him, call back Doctor Doom and let him know 4:00pm will be fine." The Hulk turns and looks and says "Bah"
A Bad Day for the Hulk
By Cracker Jack
04-20-04
"One of these days im not going to be here to help. That's right. It's always the same thing." The Hulk said. "They scream and run away saying ‘Oh no it's the Hulk.'" Putting his hands up in a sarcastic manner "Bah!" throwing his hands as if to say fooey "He's a mindless monster, he's green, he always smashes thing, he does nothing but cause trouble" he said in a snotty girly voice " Why do I care?" sinking back into the couch "Punny Humans!" he said almost under his breath "Sure it's always my fault" siting up and raising his hands in the air in defeat. "Ya ever stop to think that it's Banner that's to blame, not me? I just wanted to exist, have my freedom; the same as the next guy. But because im big and green, it's always, eek it's the Hulk, run for your life, or Kill the mindless monster." Sinking back into the couch in defeat
"Do they ever look around at the world they created?" "Do they ever stop to think im a product of the environment they created ? Did I create the Gamma Bomb? No, it wasn't me, it was Banner. And why did Banner create the Gamma Bomb? Because the punny humans and their inability to get along with one and other." he groaned. "And they have the nerve to call me stupid."he said softly, looking sadly out the window "But when the Leader or the Abomination come on the scene, it's always me that has to stop them." turning back in a louder voice. "And do you think getting repeatedly bombarded by bombs and missiles and everything else they throw at me doesn't hurt? you're out of your fricken mind!" he proclaimed.
"Just the other day. I was siting there, relaxing after handling Banners latest freak-out, he such a chicken ****, when all of a sudden, Wham!!! Im blasted by this laser bolt that comes out of nowhere. So it get up and there's Ross and his Army taken a beating from the Leader and his humanoids. Well, not that I give a flying bat turd about Ross," he said with a laugh " but that damn laser bolt hurt and pissed me off. So I jumped on in and started fighting off the stupid humanoids." sitting up quickly "Ya ever try to take on a few thousand humanoids all at the same time? Well let me tell you brother, it aint exactly recess. Sure, I go on saying the usual things, Hulk is The Strongest One There Is, Hulk Smash, The Madder the Hulk Get the Stronger the Hulk Gets, Blah, Blah, Blah, putting on a good show, but Sheesh!! I get tired of saying all that crap all the time. Anyways, I smash the stupid rubber dudes and finally get to the Leader." the Hulk sits up and leans foward and says in a low voice " Sheesh, I may not be GQ but this guy!! Damn if I was that ugly, I'd hide my face, or try to find a good plastic surgeon " he said with a chuckle. Seeing that his comment was not taken very well he coughs and leans back "Well after a few direct hits from the laser, which hurt like hell, I smashed the **** out of the Leaders latest battle wagon and saved the day. Again! And wouldn't you know it, no sooner do I stop the Leader from destroying the world, Ross and his punny little Army start blasting away at me. I mean ****!! Didn't I just save their asses from being kicked and this is the thanks I get!!" An alarm sounds and Doc Samson stands up from behind his desk and says, "Im sorry Hulk but your hour is up, we can continue this next time." The Hulk sits up from the couch and says "but doc im really starting to feel better, I mean I think we're really getting somewhere today." he pleads. "Im sorry Hulk, but I have other patients. You really must go now." The Hulk gets up from the couch "Bah" "It's always the same, I just start to get things off my cheat and someone else comes along." Handing the Hulk an appointment slip, " Same time next week big guy?" Samson says with a wink. The Hulk reaching down, grabbing the slip from Samson hand says in a sarcastic tone, "Yeah, sure, whatever you say Doc, lets just hope I don't have to stop the next loony tune from destroying the world." The Hulk leaves Samsons’ office and as he is leaving he over hears Samson say "Ok, nurse, who's next?" the voice says over the speaker phone, " Mr. Leader is waiting in the outer office, The Thing is scheduled for 3:00 pm and General Ross at 4:00 pm. Oh, and a Doctor Doom called in and said he needed to see you today, I told him I'd try to see if you could fit him in at 4:00pm." With a sigh Sampson said "Ok, well call General Ross and see if he'll come in a 5:00 instead of 4:00, then if that's ok with him, call back Doctor Doom and let him know 4:00pm will be fine." The Hulk turns and looks and says "Bah"
