Studies Confirm: Kids Ruin Your Life

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

The greatest virtue of science is that it uses irrefutable facts, data, and evidence to force us to accept the harsh truths that we, flawed humanity, may wish to ignore. Like the fact that children are—scientifically speaking—small bundles of misery.

We, of course, love children, and think they are just magical and all of that, particularly the children of our friends and family members. It's just that, you know, science seems to find that having kids will cause your life to sink inexorably into a pit of despair. Let's start with the most positive findings: a study in which researchers combed through data from millions of Americans, controlling for as many as variables as possible, in order to isolate only the effect of having children. From the LA Times:

"We find that in terms of life evaluation, people with kids and people without kids are not very different," said Arthur Stone of Stony Brook University. "But people with kids have more joys and happiness as well as more negative emotions, like anger, worry and stress."
It's a push! One might charitably interpret these findings to say that you'll break even by having kids. More happiness, and more unhappiness. Just like being bipolar! Who wouldn't want to sign up for that? But now let's turn our attention to what the study found for parents outside of America:

In the rest of the world, the survey results told a different story: People with kids — at least those outside the rich English-speaking world — tended to be less content with their lives.

"Our results for the world as a whole, as well as for Africa, Latin America, the Middle East, and South Asia are consistent with the most common finding in the literature, that those with children have lower life evaluation," said the study.
Without the cosseted comforts of a first world lifestyle, children are a definitive drag on happiness. Well, shoot. At least you have your spouse, right? Let's roll that final study of the day, via the New York Post:

The authors of the report by the UK's Open University say they looked at numerous factors that make happy relationships... the survey of 5,000 came to the conclusion that "childless married and unmarried participants are happier with their relationship and their partner than parents."
The fact that having children has made you a stressed-out manic-depressive who's well on the way to divorce should in no way be interpreted as a sign that we don't like your kids. They're great.

http://www.latimes.com/science/scie...-happy-20140114,0,6208398.story#axzz2qTeMAVPG

And here I was thinking it was baby mama who ruined mine, go figure

 

[Feenix]

And people with kids make others around them miserable by talking about how great their kid is.

They're not. They're brats. Polite, mild mannered children are awesome, but it's always the parents of hellions that think their spawn are perfect.

 

[Hobgoblin]

I can deal with kids, as long as they are well behaved. Heck, I do think kids can be cute. It is the parents that make me insane. Just because your little bundle of joy is the center of your universe does not make them fascinating to everyone else. Some of us to want to talk about things besides the children.

 

[Anita18]

Well, yeah, if you're poor, a kid is just another mouth you can't afford to feed. That's not exactly rocket science.

I think my mom is having a lot of fun now that my sister and I are grown and we can hang out together instead of her (and my dad) having to parent us. I'm even teaching her how to knit. So it's 18 years of suffering, then if you do your job right, 20+ more years of awesome.

 

[Quasimod0]

In the immortal words of Michael Jackson- "If you can't feed your baby, then don't have a baby. "

 

[Teelie]

If only it were so simple.

 

[Senator Pleasury]

Did they need a study for this? Haven't enough people lived this horror personally? Is this not a common sense thing?

 

[MessiahDecoy123]

Yes it sucks to be middle class or poor and have a bunch of kids but that's where most of the work force comes from.

So please keep producing wage slaves, err I mean babies.

 

[Erzengel]

This reminds me of the Louis CK bit:

There's no greater threat to women than men.

 

[cherokeesam]

If kids really "ruined" people's lives, not one of you would be alive today.

Suck it up. Kids make the world go 'round. Without 'em, the species is dead.

Long live children.

 

[moviedoors]

I still can't wait to meet my daughter.

 

[BestGirl]

Well, yeah, if you're poor, a kid is just another mouth you can't afford to feed. That's not exactly rocket science.

Yep. It doesn't help that many people in the third world don't have regular access to birth control. There are some countries where the average number of children born to each woman ranges from 5-7. Many of these people would probably be happier if they could restrict themselves to smaller families the way Westerners do.

 

[Teelie]

That's only part of it though. Some have large families intentionally so they have more hands to do work on the farms or labor. Or because their religious beliefs dictate it.

Simply "not having children" is the least sensical response you can give.