Stupid People Doing Stupid Things Thread - Part 1

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

Well, drinking alcohol and getting drunk ( and lose control ) are two different things. Did you stop driving because other people had car accident ? Of course if you can't control yourself with alcohol it's better to stop.

Ya no, booze. And I don't mix. Once I drink it I won't stop till I blackout and pass out somewhere. I just don't drink anymore.

 

[Monsieur Xavier]

^^
Oh, well, good choice then.
I, myself, stopped eating things I had no restraint over.

 

[Marvolo]

Keith Ablow, Fox News Doctor, Calls For 'American Jihad

Keith Ablow, a doctor and Fox News analyst, thinks that the United States should aggressively export its system of government to every single country on earth. What could go wrong?

In a comically unhinged column posted to Fox News' website on Tuesday, Ablow calls for an "American jihad" in which the U.S. would aggressively move to America-ify the entire world, which totally makes sense because "the Constitution is a sacred document that better defines and preserves the liberty and autonomy of human beings than the charter of any other nation on earth."

How would this ambitious plan work? Well, Ablow explains, "we would tie American aid to incremental changes not just in the attitudes, but in the fundamental structures, of countries. These changes would move those countries, slowly but inexorably, toward reflecting our Constitution in their own charters." The plan would also involve doubling the budget for the CIA and Special Forces, presumably to counter any foolhardy resistance to American domination. There's more, but you get the idea.

Ablow further expounded on his vision on "Fox and Friends" Wednesday. After listening, host Brian Kilmeade correctly noted that Ablow had "some views that need to be discussed."

The good Dr. Ablow is not exactly known for his grip on reality. In a Fox News radio segment last week, he accused President Obama of welcoming Ebola to the United States, thanks to his "affinities" with Africa.

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6069154?utm_hp_ref=tw

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

And people wonder why so many places hate our country

 

[Monsieur Xavier]

^^
Be reassured, I am not sure this kind of crap makes the news elsewhere than the States.

 

[KevanG]

Man, Fox just won't give me any reasons to start liking it. It's like it's trying to be unlikable to people that aren't bat**** insane.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

Teletubby Breaks Into Home, Dumps Chinese Food in Purse, Leaves

A man dressed as Laa-Laa, the yellow Teletubby, is facing charges after reportedly breaking into a home in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania early Sunday morning. He stole Chinese food.

Easton, Pennsylvania's Express-Times reports the Teletubby, 20-year-old Terez S. Owens Jr., broke into a friend's house around 2 a.m. Sunday morning, damaging the friend's door. According to police, Owens then went to the fridge and dumped leftover Chinese food—perhaps intentionally outside of the standard Teletubby diet (tubby custard ["tubby tustard"] and tubby toast) to throw cops off the scent—into a "man purse" before leaving.

Police caught up with him soon after and identified him as the suspect.

Though the victims first declined to press charges, Bethlehem police Chief Mark DiLuzio told the Express-Times that they changed their minds after their landlord got involved. From the Express-Times:

The residents met Wednesday with a detective, and police filed charges of criminal mischief and disorderly conduct with District Judge Nancy Matos-Gonzalez's office, DiLuzio said. They will be sent to Owens via summons.

"Not that many Teletubbies get arrested," Chief DiLuzio said, of the arrest.

Well, yeah.

Not that many Teletubbies get caught.

http://www.lehighvalleylive.com/bethlehem/index.ssf/2014/10/teletubbie_break-in_student_dr.html

Okay

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

Suge Knight, Katt Williams Arrested for Allegedly Robbing Photographer

Death Row Records founder Suge Knight and comedian Katt Williams were arrested and charged with robbery Wednesday in connection with a September incident in Beverly Hills, where they allegedly stole a paparazzo's camera.

Williams told TMZ yesterday that the two never stole anything, claiming they chased the photographer off because she was taking video of a 5-year-old child in an alley. Williams said the pap agreed to erase the video, then took off running.

It's the 10th arrest since 2006 for Williams, including a 2012 arrest for reckless driving after he rode a three-wheeled motorcycle down a Sacramento sidewalk and allegedly almost hit 5 pedestrians during the resulting police chase.

He was arrested at an L.A. courthouse while being arraigned in an unrelated assault case, and faces 7 years if convicted.

Knight, most famous for probably not killing Tupac Shakur, was picked up in Las Vegas. Because of a prior conviction for assault with a deadly weapon, he faces 30 years in prison if convicted.

http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/wireStory/suge-knight-katt-williams-charged-robbery-26557466

Always hilarious when famous people do dumb ****

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

No One Bought Kendall and Kylie Jenner's Terrible Dystopian Sci-Fi Novel

A nice lesson for teenage Kardashian daughters Kendall and Kylie Jenner might be that it's fun to explore your passions without consideration for subsequent monetary gain. Perhaps that's the takeaway from the news that the teens' dystopian sci-fi novel, Rebels: City of Indra, sold approximately 0 copies.

According to Nielsen BookScan data obtained by Radar, the book that the Jenner girls didn't exactly write has sold just 13,000 copies since it went on sale in June. Comparatively speaking, reality star Lauren Conrad's novels sold about 250,000 copies each in the first year.

Perhaps people aren't interested in Rebels: City of Indra because Kendall and Kylie admitted upfront it's based on a movie that doesn't exist. The pair told Good Morning America, "We were saying, if we were to do a movie, like, what would we wanna do? Like, if we were to be in it, like, what movie would we wanna be in?"

Maya Sloan ghostwrote the novel, which is set 200 years in the future and follows the journey of two girls who don't realize they're twins. I bet it was fun to write.

http://radaronline.com/exclusives/2...ner-book-sales-flop-rebels-indra-kardashians/

I feel bad for the ghost writer who had to listen to these idiots ideas.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

Human IT Worker Suspended for Refusing to Stop Talking in Robot Voice

Think of the coolest, funniest, least socially alienating behavior you could exhibit at work. Something that would really give your colleagues a chuckle. Are you thinking of something? Is it bleep blorp talking in a robot voice?

"Commence Monday morning bagel processing." "This memo left my systems discombobulated." "Danger, Will Robinson, danger—someone left a class-two stinker in the men's room." Get it? If the humor does not compute, your artificial intelligence needs adjusting. (Get it?)

So you can understand why it's so crazy that Ronald Dillon, an IT worker at the New York City Department of Health, was awarded a 20-day suspension for repeatedly showing off this patently hilarious and not at all irritating skill while answering phones. From DNAinfo:

Miller's decision says that during the hearing the Health Department played a recording of Dillon speaking to a customer in a "slow, monotone and over-enunciated manner" and saying, "You have reached the Help Desk. This is Mr. Dillon. How may I help you?"

His droid imitation was apparently good enough to fool callers.

One confused customer who spoke to Dillon later called back and told another Health Department worker that she thought "there was a new automated answering system and had hung up when she heard 'the robot' answer the phone because she needed to speak to a human about her issues," the decision says.

Dillon, a human man from Brooklyn, claims he adopted the monotone because higher-ups didn't like his fast-talking outer-borough accent: "They objected to the tone of my voice so I made it atonal."

According to a written statement about the decision, his superior took issue with Dillon's assertion: "There is a difference between speaking slowly and distinctly and speaking so robotically that callers did not believe that they were speaking to a person."

http://www.dnainfo.com/new-york/201...suspension-for-using-robot-voice-answer-phone

I've done the robot voice plenty of times on the phone. It's always a good time. For the record the stupid people in this story are his employers

 

[KevanG]

When I get tired my voice goes almost exactly like several automated systems I've heard. It's pretty funny as I've had a bunch of people hitting buttons when I spoke and trying to make it go to a person.

It's also hilarious in hindsight when I realize that say "Hello?" Everytime they hit a button makes them think it's the menu cycling again. I've actually had to take some time off the phones to stop laughing afterwards. Funny thing is that when I'm not tired I've been told that I have a voice like a radio DJ.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

I do voices all the time when I'm on the phone. It's fun to see how crazy you can get and get away with it

 

[Marvolo]

No One Bought Kendall and Kylie Jenner's Terrible Dystopian Sci-Fi Novel

A nice lesson for teenage Kardashian daughters Kendall and Kylie Jenner might be that it's fun to explore your passions without consideration for subsequent monetary gain. Perhaps that's the takeaway from the news that the teens' dystopian sci-fi novel, Rebels: City of Indra, sold approximately 0 copies.

According to Nielsen BookScan data obtained by Radar, the book that the Jenner girls didn't exactly write has sold just 13,000 copies since it went on sale in June. Comparatively speaking, reality star Lauren Conrad's novels sold about 250,000 copies each in the first year.

Perhaps people aren't interested in Rebels: City of Indra because Kendall and Kylie admitted upfront it's based on a movie that doesn't exist. The pair told Good Morning America, "We were saying, if we were to do a movie, like, what would we wanna do? Like, if we were to be in it, like, what movie would we wanna be in?"

Maya Sloan ghostwrote the novel, which is set 200 years in the future and follows the journey of two girls who don't realize they're twins. I bet it was fun to write.

http://radaronline.com/exclusives/2...ner-book-sales-flop-rebels-indra-kardashians/

I feel bad for the ghost writer who had to listen to these idiots ideas.

I wonder, like, if the book, like, has the word "like", like, every, like, other, like, word, like?

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

Man Allegedly Mad Jared Diet Didn't Work Robs Four Subways in Four Days

A teenager in Hueytown, Alabama was allegedly so angry that he didn't lose weight on the infamous Jared diet that he robbed four Subway sandwich shops in four days. The teen said that since the diet didn't work, he robbed the stores in order to get his money back.

Eighteen-year-old Zachary Torrance went from Subway shop to Subway shop near Hueytown, holding up the stores for money, over the course of four days. He was caught on Wednesday when a man recognized his face from photos posted on the local police station's Facebook page. Torrance was in a Walmart when police arrested him.

Via AL.com:

Zachary Rapheal Torrance, 18, was arrested at the Walmart in Hueytown Thursday night, said Police Chief Hagler. He is charged with first-degree robbery, and is being transferred to the Jefferson County Jail with bond set at $250,000.

The chief said the Fairfield teen admitted to the Hueytown holdup, and investigators asked him why he did it. "I don't know if he was kidding or not, but he said he had tried the Jared diet and it hadn't worked for him so he wanted his money back,'' Hagler said.

Jared Fogle has not contributed a comment.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/nat...source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=NYDailyNewsTw

I think this will lead to a solid defense for this brave young man

 

[Anubis]

 

[Marvolo]

Woman Accused Of Witchcraft Burned Alive In Paraguay

AP 11/05/2014

ASUNCION, Paraguay (AP) — An indigenous woman was burned alive in Paraguay after being accused of witchcraft, a local prosecutor confirmed Wednesday.

Prosecutor Fany Aguilera said that members of the Mbya Guarani ethnic group tied 45-year-old Adolfina Ocampos to a wooden pole and shot arrows at her before they burned her alive. Ocampos was sentenced to death last week by the community's chief in Tahehyi, a village some 180 miles (290 kilometers) north of the capital, Asuncion. The date of the killing was unclear.

Aguilera has charged nine men in the village with first-degree murder, and they have already acknowledged killing the woman.

A report by the UN Refugee Agency estimates that thousands of people worldwide are accused of being witches every year. The UN says they are often abused, cast out of their families and communities and sometimes killed.

But the case here is unusual.

"I've been working in Paraguay for 40 years and I can't remember a similar episode of an execution for alleged sorcery," said Jose Zanardini, an Italian anthropologist and Catholic priest. "The tragic death of this woman is isolated and out of the ordinary within the coexistence of Paraguay's 20 ethnic indigenous groups. In general, the Indians are very peaceful and tolerant."

The state agency for the protection of indigenous peoples said in a statement Wednesday that "although the indigenous communities are ruled by customary law, their acts cannot violate the constitutional rights of respecting the life and the liberty of people."

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6108646?utm_hp_ref=tw

Stupid hillbillies.

 

[KevanG]

I wish they'd think these things through. If she's a witch and could pull that **** then you'd be dead before you could kill her, since she doesnt kill you when you're about to murder her then obviously she's not one.

****ing idiots.

 

[Slushy]

I think this will lead to a solid defense for this brave young man

Did he expect to lose X amount of pounds overnight? The human body doesn't work like that.

 

[Victarion]

I had no idea they stilled burned people at the stake.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

Drunk Man Eats DWI Test Results in Ultimately Unsuccessful Plan

A man faces multiple charges after attempting to eat his DWI breathalyzer test results (DWI breathalyzer test results? what DWI breathalyzer test results?) after being arrested in Tarrytown, New York.

According to the AP, New York state police stopped 40-year-old Kenneth Desormes, of Greenwich, Connecticut, when he was speeding on Interstate 95 at 5:30 a.m. on Sunday morning. He was reportedly arrested after police spoke to him and determined he was intoxicated.

Desormes was taken to the state police barracks in Tarrytown, where the pieces of his plan fell into place. While his breathalyzer tests results were printing—print, print, print, nothing to see here, print, print, print—he reportedly grabbed the documents from the printer and attempted to quickly ingest them.

Sadly, his plan was foiled when, I guess, somebody saw him trying to shove all the paper coming out of the printer into his mouth. AP reports he was charged with "driving while intoxicated, obstructing governmental administration, and criminal tampering."

Aw, Kenneth. You'll eat 'em next time.

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/storie...ME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&CTIME=2014-11-04-09-27-20

As we all know once something is printed it can not be printed again, that's the law

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

Shady Waitress Dupes Fool Into Buying $3,750 Bottle of Wine

Joe Lentini ordered a bottle of Screaming Eagle Oakville 2011 for the table during a business dinner last week at Bobby Flay's Steak in Atlantic City's Borgata Hotel. He was allegedly informed by their waitress that the bottle cost "thirty-seven fifty." The bill, however, contended otherwise, listing the bottle at its actual price: $3,750.

Naturally, Lentini and his dinner companions were shocked. NJ.com reports that after haggling with the restaurant's manager, the diners were able to get the price of the wine down to $2,200, which they split between them. The debacle has become a real he said, she said.

"I asked the waitress if she could recommend something decent because I don't have experience with wine," Lentini told NJ.com. "She pointed to a bottle on the menu. I didn't have my glasses. I asked how much and she said, 'Thirty-seven fifty.'"

Another dinner guest at the table with Lentini corroborates his account of the night.

"Joe had asked for a suggestion on the wine and the waitress pointed to a wine," Don Chin told NJ.com. "Joe asked the price and she said 'thirty-seven fifty,' not 'three-thousand, seven-hundred and fifty,' which is what I would have said, so we all thought it was $37.50."

The Borgata is standing firm—citing surveillance footage with no audio that they refuse to release—that the waitress was not at all deceitful in her suggestion of a bottle of wine that costs more than most people's rent.

"Due to these factors along with very detailed accounts from multiple sources regarding the incident, Borgata is confident there was no misunderstanding regarding the selection," Borgata executive vice president Joseph Lupo told NJ.com "We simply will not allow the threat of a negative story that includes so many unaccounted and questionable statements to disparage our integrity and standards, which Borgata takes great pride in practicing every day.”

But! It would appear not all of Lentini's dinner companions are so innocent either—at one point in the meal, the host of the dinner apparently found out the price of the wine, but said nothing:

Indeed, the host, who asked not to be identified, did confirm to Bamboozled that he asked about the price of the bottle before dinner was completed, but he said he did not hear and was not part of the conversation when Lentini ordered the wine. The host said the bottle was already opened and possibly empty when he learned the price, so he didn't see a reason to say anything.

Lentini's review of a nearly $4,000 bottle of wine? "It was okay. It was good. It wasn't great. It wasn't terrible. It was fine."

http://www.myfoxny.com/story/27283608/man-shocked-by-3750-wine-bill-at-atlantic-city-restaurant

Something tells me they didn't leave her a very good tip

 

[Evelisse]

#Pointergate

wow...

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

#Pointergate

wow...

I'm about 15 mins south of you. I work at countryside mall.

 

[guitarsingerguy]

Shady Waitress Dupes Fool Into Buying $3,750 Bottle of Wine

http://www.myfoxny.com/story/27283608/man-shocked-by-3750-wine-bill-at-atlantic-city-restaurant

Something tells me they didn't leave her a very good tip

Yeah, that really pisses me off. It gives good servers an even worse rep that they're all just out to **** you. She knew exactly what she was doing...*****.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

Yup, she is a c***