Female Hype Members

[J'adore]

After searching, I've found an old pair of black heels that still fit! Not mary-janes but they go so well with the outfit! I'm trying to keep it simple on the actual dress so I don't think I'll wear any belt or jacket. I might transparent tights, I don't know yet.

 

[AndThePickles]

Nice!! I hope you have fun at tea; I wish that was popular here in the US

 

[AndThePickles]

Shame on everyone for not posting here in so long!

So, this month is National Bullying Prevention Month, and I think that it is important for people to understand that this very much applies to the female gender, as well. Stereotypically, people think of bullying as physically picking on boys, but I think that the emotional damage inflicted on girls is often much more severe. I know that males experience it as well, but as this is the FHM thread....

I was horribly teased when I was younger; all the way up until college, really, in some form. It is still painful for me to think about, although I've certainly changed myself in terms of building my own confidence.

I had a really fascinating conversation with my father's girlfriend tonight. She was upset thinking about her son, who is bisexual, because she's worried that he'll never be happy and that he'll be picked on all of his adult life. This led to her talking about being teased in school, to which I responded with some of my own terrible experiences. She was utterly shocked. And what shocked me is that she admitted that she assumed I would have been the most popular girl in school, and that she thinks I'm "perfect." Me, who in the past had been picked on by an entire classroom full of kids. She didn't believe me until I told her examples, and said "but you're gorgeous and intelligent, how could anyone not like you?" Which was ironic, considering how much I struggled with self-esteem in the past. It was the most interesting revelation to come out of the conversation, because it really made me realize that it is so easy to assume that someone has always been a certain way, and that they won't be able to relate to you. You can't judge based on appearances, because your opinion may be the exact opposite of what the person thinks of themselves.

I really challenge everyone to open up to people that you wouldn't normally be friends with, because you could potentially touch someone's life in an important way. There were times in my life where if someone had just shown me a bit of kindness, I think it would have changed my entire emotional state at the time. You can't tell just from looking at someone what they are going through, and you can make unexpected friends.

Feel free to share stories. And if you are in high school and know someone who is getting bullied, I also challenge you to do something about it. It could change someone's life.

 

[Erzengel]

Unfortunately, bullying has been around for years. I kind of get annoyed by everyone jumping on the bandwagon now because of recent events when it's been an issue for what a long time even when I was in high school, I heard stories of kids killing themselves because of it. It's nothing new. And I'm not saying I don't feel bad for the victims and their families. I just get mad at certain celebrities who have to voice out on this to put themselves in the limelight. I'm glad Tyra isn't on the air anymore.

 

[AndThePickles]

Years as in centuries It isn't new, and it isn't right that it's only now getting attention, but I am really glad that there is now a month dedicated to focusing on it. I think that it is a step towards realizing that it is a CONSTANT issue that needs constant attention. Baby steps are still steps.

 

[Erzengel]

It all starts at home, if you have a child who is being bulllied, you have to talk to him and either, have him stick up for himself/herself OR if it's it's more than one person, think about switching or taking them out of school.

When I have a child, I'm totally going to bring them to self defense starting at a young age.

On the opposite side, if you're raising a bully, slap that kid around.

I think if parents are into their child's lives and if teachers are communicative about their students to parents, maybe some of these incidents wouldn't occur.

 

[AndThePickles]

Sadly, I think that it occurs at every school, though. And I also think that some bullies don't care if the kid sticks up for themself or not. There are so many variables.

I agree that a LOT of it has to do with the parents. But some parents are bullies, themselves, and don't care to change their child's behavior. There are also parents who don't give a crap about their children, period. If they don't care enough to teach their children about sex, or to even help their kids with basics such as homework and learning how to read, they certainly aren't going to help with bullying. It's really horrible.

And yes, more teachers need to take responsibility. I can vividly remember a teacher just sitting at his desk and watching while a group of kids ganged up on me as I did my best to defend myself. And he didn't do ****!

 

[Anita18]

And yes, more teachers need to take responsibility. I can vividly remember a teacher just sitting at his desk and watching while a group of kids ganged up on me as I did my best to defend myself. And he didn't do ****!

Ugh, that's terrible, and probably the worst thing of all. I guess they're not trained to fully handle this stuff, or afraid of lawsuits from the parents or some crap.

Yeah, it is really surprising to learn how people were when they were younger. I had a friend at the ice rink from another high school who was one of the most generous, nicest people I knew, and in one of those "getting to know you" chain emails that we sent each other, she admitted to being a huge bully in elementary school. It REALLY threw me for a loop. You just wouldn't have made the connection.

She said when she got older, she realized how dumb it was and then stopped being a bully. She also expressed desire to apologize to the girl she tormented most back then, and as luck would have it, I knew her since she was a friend of mine in my high school. So everything worked out.

So I can see how "It gets better" could work for both bullies and the bullied. My friend realized that not being a bully was more fun and fulfilling than being one, so it got better for her too. Everyone changes when they grow up.

I actually don't remember being bullied all that vividly. I mean, I definitely was bullied back then because I had a stutter and because I was quiet, skinny, and physically slow. But it seems so long ago, and I've grown up so much since then.

I do remember being made fun of because I refused to pick on another girl that everyone else was picking on. It was so stupid and useless, the peer pressure that kids put on each other at that age.

 

[LOBO3315a]

While not a female member, I did want to share a story about bullying that happened to me when I was younger.

In the 5th grade I was a pretty small kid, and there was this boy down the road that took particular delight in picking on me. He was tall, and blonde, with an quarterback's build; the kind of guy most girls drooled over back in the 70's.

I had to walk to school back then, and it was almost 2 miles. Every time this kid walked behind me it was a non-stop barrage of pushing and insults either all the way to school or back. I never did much about it, except I tried to actively avoid him. It never helped. This went on for about 2 months.

One day he got behind me as we were walking home from school and started his routine. I had had a bad day, and wasn't much in the mood for him, but I tried all my usual tactics. I ran ahead, but he kept up. I stopped to let him pass me, he waited until I started walking again. I even tried to hang out by the crossing guard, but that kid was even smaller than me!

Finally, a little more than halfway home, I stopped and turned around. I told him to leave me alone, and he asked me what I was gonna do about it. Without even thinking I raised my metal David Carradine Kung Fu lunch box (i still have it) and hit him in the side of the head with it. The look of stunned disbelief on his face was priceless!

The look of absolute horror as he reached up, touched where I had hit him, and found out he was bleeding topped even that! He ran all the way home, and I was sure I was in very serious trouble.

Later that evening, his father came over and confronted my mom out on the front porch about it. He said he would sue for medical expenses, we'd be poor for the rest of our lives, ect, ect, ect.

My mom cooly looked at him and said she's be more than happy to stand in front of the judge and explain that his son had pushed me around for 2 months prior to the incident. He left our yard after that.

Now here's the kicker: that kid not only never messed with me again, he actually became friendly towards me. I think that's the big difference between when I grew up and today. Back then, you got into a fight, picked each other up, brushed each other off, and went back to whatever. Now days kids go home and get knives and guns to settle differences.

Anyways, I've taught my son (Who stands almost 6 feet tall) to never use his size to bully, and to never back down from someone who tries to bully him.

Anyways I just thought I'd share on the topic. *Takes his creepy self off to another thread*

 

[AndThePickles]

Haha, don't worry, you aren't being creepy at all. Thank so much for sharing your story! Men are welcome to share, too.

 

[Harls]

Hey gals Not to change the subject or anything, but... I've been thinking about my hair color and what I want to do with it and decided to come here and see what you guys have to say. I could always use some female-SHH-advice-and-opinions!

I'm never any good with words, so I made these images to help illustrate.

So, basically, this is my hair now.

(Sorry for the blur, I was super sleepy and it just wasn't pretty)
I think....
-It's cute, though I know a ton of people are blonde. Also, Harley is blonde and I love how my hair reminds me of that character.
-I just love the layers and depth of color I was able to obtain.
-Maintenance is pretty easy. I was told that blonde was a really hard color to keep up, but this is surprisingly not, and it always looks alright even if I don't do anything to it. I can wash it 20 times a day and it still looks fine (the color doesn't wash out very noticeably). After I got the different layers of color I wanted, all I do now is touch up my roots once a month and highlight maybe every six months or when I feel like I need it.
-Socially, other people tend to be more likable towards blondes and are more accepting of them.

This is the hair color that I'm wanting/aiming for/thinking about going to.

I love how it's a darker red than fire engine red, but still has no traces of orange in it and you can tell it's red-red.


This is what I do not want it to be like.

-I don't want an auburn. I've done it before and it's nice, but it's also very safe. I might as well be a brunette, and it's not worth losing the blonde just for this color. (top images)
-I don't want to end up with any orangey tints. I mean, it's pretty on some other people, but it's not the color I want at all. (middle)
-I don't want a literal red color. I think it's great, too, but I like it a little darker than this. (bottom).

Soo... I love red hair. I think it's gorgeous and beautiful and stunning, if done well. I've had it red before, though not quite THAT red (it had a little more auburn in it), and loved it. Actually, I've had my hair just about everything from black to shades of brown to blondes to reds, even purple, and that color red is the one that I find the most appealing.

But, basically, my problem is it's such a big jump, from my current blonde-y ness to that red. And it seems really difficult to try and get the shade I'm looking for. I guess I'm just really worried that A) It will go all wrong and I'll end up with one of the colors from my "do not want" list, or B) Even if it turns out well and I love it, I'll be judged differently in life because of it. I don't really care what regular people think too much of my hair color, but when those people are possibly employers... in my mind, even with perfect credentials they're much more likely to hire a blonde than that color redhead. I don't want to close any doors on myself, though I suppose that goes in either direction. I know how hard it is to get red tones out of hair, too (took me FOREVER to do it last time), but it's not like I can't have blonde hair again, err... right?

I don't know what you guys can really help me with because ultimately it's my decision, but I'm very indecisive about these things. I want to stay blonde until after Halloween at the least (because I'm doing a version of Harley Quinn & my hair will be in pigtails, and she's blonde), but after that I will have to decide what I want to do. I guess I'm looking for past experiences, insight, advice or tips if you know anything about hair dying.. that sort of thing. I feel sort of ridiculous because "duh Harls, it's just hair, it's not like it's permanent", but I already don't love myself or my appearance so if I wake up everyday to an awful mess of icky hair, it'll definitely affect my daily mood.

Thanks for reading my horribly rambling vain rant, and for any advice that follows, by the way.

 

[NotAHenchwench]

Go big or go home, Harls. The red on the mannequin [the long hair one] is my favorite! Go for it!

 

[J'adore]

I was thinking about going auburn/slash red-red, but dearest Sensi knocked some sense in to me. Blonde is a beautiful color and you're lucky to have it! Some people would love to have hair like ours. Just my opinion
x

 

[Rhiannon]

Your hair is lovely. I've always had dark brunette hair and wanted red hair, though I'm pretty timid and couldn't handle the bright shade of red you picked out. I love it though. It's definitely an attention-getter!

As far as worrying about employers, I'd say pull it back in a very conservative hairstyle and dress tactfully to offset the color when you have an interview. But be sure to let it flow out in all its vivid glory otherwise.

 

[Watson]

Harls, my hair has been every colour that naturally comes out of a human head. If you are truly concerned and want a good job done DO NOT DO IT YOURSELF. That's the best advice I can give anyone. Find a colourist you trust and they will do a good job.

And as for whether or not to dye it; it's just hair. Hair will grow back, and it can be dyed again if you're not happy. Your friends aren't going to treat you differently, and frankly if you end up meeting someone who thinks you are a certain way because of your hair colour, they aren't worth your time. And that shade of red is not so insane that it precludes you from more professional jobs. People in real life have that colour growing out of their head, and they manage to find employment.

EDIT: my hair has been that colour, now that I think of it. I quite enjoyed it! You may have the same issue I have since we have similar natural hair colours in that it will fade. Sometimes fades can work out. I dyed mine auburn recently and it's faded to a really pretty strawberry blonde.

 

[Harls]

Go big or go home, Harls. The red on the mannequin [the long hair one] is my favorite! Go for it!

Thanks Henchy

I was thinking about going auburn/slash red-red, but dearest Sensi knocked some sense in to me. Blonde is a beautiful color and you're lucky to have it! Some people would love to have hair like ours. Just my opinion
x

Blonde is awfully pretty! But it's not even my natural color. I'm pretty (79%) sure that I could get it back to the color(s) I have now if I needed to... hmm.

Your hair is lovely. I've always had dark brunette hair and wanted red hair, though I'm pretty timid and couldn't handle the bright shade of red you picked out. I love it though. It's definitely an attention-getter!

As far as worrying about employers, I'd say pull it back in a very conservative hairstyle and dress tactfully to offset the color when you have an interview. But be sure to let it flow out in all its vivid glory otherwise.

Thank you for your input I think you bring up a good point about pulling it back for interviews and whatnot. A lot of it has to do with the styling and how you present yourself I suppose.

Harls, my hair has been every colour that naturally comes out of a human head. If you are truly concerned and want a good job done DO NOT DO IT YOURSELF. That's the best advice I can give anyone. Find a colourist you trust and they will do a good job.

And as for whether or not to dye it; it's just hair. Hair will grow back, and it can be dyed again if you're not happy. Your friends aren't going to treat you differently, and frankly if you end up meeting someone who thinks you are a certain way because of your hair colour, they aren't worth your time. And that shade of red is not so insane that it precludes you from more professional jobs. People in real life have that colour growing out of their head, and they manage to find employment.

EDIT: my hair has been that colour, now that I think of it. I quite enjoyed it! You may have the same issue I have since we have similar natural hair colours in that it will fade. Sometimes fades can work out. I dyed mine auburn recently and it's faded to a really pretty strawberry blonde.

You're right - it IS just hair. I just don't really like a lot of things about myself but I'd love to have one of those things that I like be my hair, you know? But I guess the worst that can happen is I don't like it for a few weeks, then I can get it fixed or something. Everything's fixable. Oh, and the blonde in the picture above isn't my natural color. I've been dying my hair all sorts of colors for a long time now, but I'm pretty sure my natural hair color is a dirty/sandy/golden blonde. Will it still fade the same if it's going over fake blonde?

 

[Watson]

You're right - it IS just hair. I just don't really like a lot of things about myself but I'd love to have one of those things that I like be my hair, you know? But I guess the worst that can happen is I don't like it for a few weeks, then I can get it fixed or something. Everything's fixable. Oh, and the blonde in the picture above isn't my natural color. I've been dying my hair all sorts of colors for a long time now, but I'm pretty sure my natural hair color is a dirty/sandy/golden blonde. Will it still fade the same if it's going over fake blonde?

That's the right attitude. It can suck when you don't like your hair; it frames your face, after all. But I think as long as you can have some fun with it, you'll be ok. I get annoyed with my hair colour fairly often which is why it's changed so much haha so I understand where you are coming from.

My hair is also naturally dirty blonde. Going darker from lighter is rarely a problem. The other way around is way harder. I once cut off all my hair and dyed it blonde after it had been black. It was completely fried for a month :S.

Definitely get a pro to do it though to minimize the fade. It will happen, but a professional dye job with proper conditioning after will minimize it. You can always get it touched up after if you want to maintain the colour.

 

[AndThePickles]

As others have said, go to a professional. Also, be prepared to spend a lot of money on upkeep...your roots will show a LOT more quickly when your natural color is lighter than the one you're getting.

You may want to try a color rinse before a permanent dye to make certain that you like it.

 

[JewishHobbit]

So... I thought I'd ask for the advice of a few female hypsters (really, female anyone but since I'm here....).

My wife and I have stopped buying christmas/birthday presents for each other to focus more on our kids, neices, and nephews. Well, after 6 or so years we've decided to budget buying for ourselves back in. I don't know what budget I have for my wife but I've never been that great at finding things for her.

My problem is, she doesn't like jewelry and perfume and has no use for new clothes because she works at Home Depot and her weight fluxuates. She has no hobbies and typically just asks for giftcards, which I hate buying because it's so impersonable and thoughtless. I want to make christmas special for her but am having trouble trying to think of what she would like without asking her about it.

Any suggestions?

 

[Erzengel]

Wow a woman who doesn't like jewelry.

Since we are getting a new house, we decided it's best to kinda limit our gifts, but for her last birthday, I just got her a pocketbook from Michael Kohrs and tickets to a Steelers vs. Giants Pre-Season game.

You could have your wife give you some sort of Christmas list, I've started to having to do that with Erzette.

 

[LOBO3315a]

Make her dinner. She'll remember it for years, and it's inexpensive.

 

[NotAHenchwench]

So... I thought I'd ask for the advice of a few female hypsters (really, female anyone but since I'm here....).

My wife and I have stopped buying christmas/birthday presents for each other to focus more on our kids, neices, and nephews. Well, after 6 or so years we've decided to budget buying for ourselves back in. I don't know what budget I have for my wife but I've never been that great at finding things for her.

My problem is, she doesn't like jewelry and perfume and has no use for new clothes because she works at Home Depot and her weight fluxuates. She has no hobbies and typically just asks for giftcards, which I hate buying because it's so impersonable and thoughtless. I want to make christmas special for her but am having trouble trying to think of what she would like without asking her about it.

Any suggestions?

I second the 'Christmas List' idea. She can give you a list, but it'll also offer insight as to the things she's looking for. So, if you see something that isn't on the list that you think she should have, you can get it for her.

I tend to do one nice gift and one joke gift. That way, it's sentimental and funny

 

[Rhiannon]

JewishHobbit,

I think you've been given two good ideas, the Christmas List being one. I also think what LOBO3315a suggested is very sweet; I'm always the one who cooks in my home, so if my husband cooked for me one night, I'd find it very memorable. Since you have kids, I'm sure she is very busy around Christmas and it might be relaxing and romantic to share a dinner that her husband made just for her.

You say she doesn't like clothes because of her job. What about pajamas? A comfy new pair of pajamas, soft slippers, a robe, and a fragrant bath set could make a thoughtful relaxation gift. Or you could get her certificate for a massage, a day at the spa, a manicure/pedicure; they're certificates, yes, but they have a specific gift attached to them that shows thought and consideration.

Are you sure she has no hobbies or interests, or is she just too busy to be actively engaged with any of them? After my brother and I moved out, I discovered my mom had interest in music, but she never really expressed it while she was busy raising us.

 

[Erzengel]

I usually have the closer gift, and the leads in kind of like Hench mentioned.

JH, have you thought about electronics? An iPod? Kindle? etc.

 

[NotAHenchwench]

JewishHobbit,

I think you've been given two good ideas, the Christmas List being one. I also think what LOBO3315a suggested is very sweet; I'm always the one who cooks in my home, so if my husband cooked for me one night, I'd find it very memorable. Since you have kids, I'm sure she is very busy around Christmas and it might be relaxing and romantic to share a dinner that her husband made just for her.

You say she doesn't like clothes because of her job. What about pajamas? A comfy new pair of pajamas, soft slippers, a robe, and a fragrant bath set could make a thoughtful relaxation gift. Or you could get her certificate for a massage, a day at the spa, a manicure/pedicure; they're certificates, yes, but they have a specific gift attached to them that shows thought and consideration.

Are you sure she has no hobbies or interests, or is she just too busy to be actively engaged with any of them? After my brother and I moved out, I discovered my mom had interest in music, but she never really expressed it while she was busy raising us.

Those sound delightful! Fantastic ideas!