Conan: The Videogame (Xbox360 and Ps3)

It sucked when I was a kid, and only gets worse with age. A small part of me dies inside whenever I catch a few seconds of it when I'm channel surfing
 
Looks like I'll have to order a memory eraser from ForgetItTech
 
Woohooooo, this is the Gamesradar "Conan Goreplosion" article!
Hahahaha that is so awesome!
Final article and video next week.
_____

http://www.gamesradar.com/us/ps3/ga...&articleId=2007082995430404023&sectionId=1003

Heads, limbs and intestines fly as the hulking barbarian goes completely ape**** in week 1 of our EXCLUSIVE video series.

Forget everything you might have seen in '80s movies and crappy cartoons - nobody, but nobody batters and chops his way through a gore-soaked adventure quite like Conan the Barbarian. Kratos and Nariko might have swords on chains, but Conan breaks men's backs with his bare hands. For fun. While simultaneously having drunken sex with three chicks in jeweled loincloths. That's just the kind of guy he is.

The hard-drinking, hard-loving murder machine returns to videogames this October, and he's bringing massive amounts of ****, blood and limb-ripping brutality with him. How massive? We'll show you. Every Wednesday for the next few weeks, our exclusive videos will give you a glimpse of the most brutal moves waiting to be unlocked in the new hack-and-slasher, along with a play-by-play for each one. We're not talking wussy punch-kick combos or needlessly elaborate sword flourishes, either - like Conan himself, these attacks all cut straight to the bone, sending fountains of chunky grue spurting all over the screen. Conan's got dozens of them, and although he can get barbaric with any weapon he finds, this week we'll focus on the diverse fatalities you'll be able to pull off with his plain old default sword:


Conan Goreplosion Video! Week 1: One-sword moves.

Wasn't that fun? You should see what kind of atrocities Conan can commit with two swords - and you will, if you check back next Wednesday. In the meantime, here's a detailed run-down of what you just saw:

Warrior Suplex
Square, Triangle, Triangle (PS3)/X,Y,Y (360)
Watching this one just never gets old. Rather than simply running his enemy through or hacking him to pieces, Conan merrily grabs him from behind and, in a stunning display of wrestling prowess, suplexes him so hard his head comes off. Being in the WWE is apparently much more dangerous than we ever thought.

Thief of Bel
Square, Triangle, Circle (PS3)/X,Y,B (360)
Sure, you could just cut your enemies down with your own sword, but why stop there when you can steal theirs? Thief of Bel lets you snatch away your enemy's weapon, leaving him standing around defenseless while you use your new second sword to hack off his now-empty hands. Don't just kill - insult!

Bel's Revenge
Square, Triangle, Circle, Square, Square (PS3)/X,Y,B,X,X (360)
Once you've mastered pulling off Thief of Bel, unlocking this move will let you follow up the sword-snatch with a couple of deft, fluid strokes that will leave your enemy not only defenseless, but headless. Just imagine the look on his face as what's left of it flies offscreen.

BelRevenge--screenshot_large.jpg


Bel's Gambit
Triangle, Triangle, Square (PS3)/Y,Y,X (360)
Whoever this Bel person was, he seems to have had a thing for humiliation through disarmament. This cool little combo uses Conan's sword to flip his enemy's weapon right out of their hands, confusing them just enough to be vulnerable to a quick, decapitating death blow.

Monkey Slam
Square, Square, Square, Triangle (PS3)/X,X,X,Y (360)
In this curiously swordless, dismemberment-free killing blow, Conan grabs his enemy by the neck and slams him into the ground like he would a monkey. (Conan doesn't like monkeys.) Mostly bloodless, we admit, but still one of the least dignified ways to die on this list.

Spinning Death
Square, Square, Square, Triangle, Triangle (PS3)/X,X,X,Y,Y (360)
If the Monkey Slam is undignified, Spinning Death is like drawing your final breath in a clown suit full of poop. Unlock this, and Conan will finish off the combo by grabbing the nearest chump by the legs and spinning him in a circle for as long as you hold the final button down. Not only is it a humiliating way to kill your once-proud enemies, but it'll conveniently clobber any other goons who stand too close to you.

Cleave in Twain
Parry+Triangle (PS3)/Parry+Y (360)
Conan is a busy man, and he doesn't have time to mess around. Dumb thugs who let him parry their attacks are just asking for a quick and messy demise, which in this case involves Conan tossing them into the air and chopping them in half in slow motion. See, this is why the only correct way to attack Conan is from far away. Several miles, at least.

Crom's Curse
Parry+Circle (PS3)/Parry+B (360)
This one's sort of like Montezuma's Revenge, except that instead of diarrhea, it's Conan punching right through your abdomen and yanking out your entire large intestine. This move was previously seen in Dead Rising, where it was known as "the entire reason for playing."

Skull Crusher
Parry+Square (PS3)/Parry+X (360)
Given how baroque the last two counterattacks are, Skull Crusher might seem a little disappointing. This misleadingly named move doesn't so much involve a skull being crushed as it does Conan spinning around behind his enemy's back, grabbing the head and separating it from the body with one clean throat-slit. Nasty.

Shield Strip
Triangle, Square, Circle (PS3)/Y,X,B (360)
We admit this one isn't particularly gory by itself, but it's still fun to show up those haughty shield-toting enemies by snatching away the one thing that makes them more than your average Conan-fodder guard. Besides, stealing a shield enables you to pull off a…

Head Pop
Triangle, Square, Square (PS3)/Y,X,X (360)
Few things are more humiliating than having your shield roughly pulled away by an angry barbarian. One of those things is having that same barbarian turn around and use your shield to decapitate you in a messy fashion. Seriously, it's not even sharp.

Immolation
While holding torch - Square, Square, Square, Square (PS3)/X,X,X,X (360)
There's nothing too special about this one - it's just a regular fast-attack combo. Except that if you're holding a torch, your final hit engulfs your enemy in flames - just like in real life. That is, assuming all your real-life enemies spend their days rolling around in kerosene.

Cimmerian Charge
Square, Square, Triangle (PS3)/X,X,Y (360)
Again, this one isn't too spectacular, but it's quick, hard to avoid and - if you're lucky - will result in at least one flying head and a shower of blood for your troubles.

Heavy Strike Finisher
Triangle, Triangle, Triangle (PS3)/Y,Y,Y (360)
Least spectacular of all is the standard Heavy Strike Finisher, which - once unlocked - you can achieve just by mashing the same button. Still, Conan gets downright nimble when he's pulling this one off, ending the combo with a leaping flourish that will send the noggins flying right the hell off anyone standing in front of him.

Shortener!
Parry+Triangle (PS3)/Parry+Y (360)
This is probably the most brutal one-handed move Conan has in his arsenal, and it only seems to work against the armored, broadsword-toting commanders that trudge out periodically to get hacked up. Successfully counter one of their devastating attacks, and Conan will grab his enemy by the arm and start hacking, with the end result being a sad little pile of horror that only vaguely resembles the tough guy who was fighting you just seconds ago. Gruesome.
 
Paired swords turn the raging barbarian anti-hero into a human buzzsaw as our EXCLUSIVE video series continues.

Conan the Barbarian's gruesome, self-titled comeback is lumbering into stores this October, and it's easily one of the most visceral games we've ever played. Bloodier and more savage than God of War (and yet oddly similar, from a gameplay standpoint), Conan keeps the blood spurting at a steady clip throughout his pirate-crushing, monster-skewering romp through the ancient world of Hyboria. Severing limbs, chopping enemies in half and ripping out intestines with his bare hands, Conan does what Kratos only has nightmares about, and we've put together an exclusive look at the game's most gruesome moments to prove it to you.

Last Wednesday, we showed off a few of the gory fatalities Conan can pull off with the regular, boring, one-handed sword he carries around at all times. Part of what makes Conan interesting, however, is that he can pick up any weapon he finds lying around and stick it into his enemies' faces. In fact, the barbarian has four different fighting styles to draw from, depending on what weapon he's holding - this week, check out the carnage he can wallow in when he's carrying two swords at once:

Conan Goreplosion Video! Week 2: Two-swords moves.

Nasty, huh? Here's a rundown of what you just saw:

Gwahlur's Leap
Parry+Circle (PS3)/Parry+B (360)
We don't know who this Gwahlur is, or why he's famous for leaping. But we do know that jumping onto an enemy's chest, wedging two swords into his collarbones and severing both his arms while backflipping off him is no mean feat for a 300-pound mountain of muscle and hatred like Conan.

Blade Fury
Parry+Square (PS3)/Parry+X (360)
If the game's puny bad guys piss Conan off enough (which is to say "attack him in any way whatsoever"), he'll follow up a parry with this brutal move. Never one to mess around, Conan steps in close and goes to work like a sculptor, deftly carving his blades into a web of death that rapidly leaves his enemy without legs, arms or a head. If you want to make absolutely sure your enemies are dead, this is the one to use.

Head Stomp
Parry+Triangle (PS3)/Parry+Y (360)
Carrying a pair of swords around doesn't mean you have to use them all the time. In what's probably his most implausible counterattack yet, Conan trips up whatever unfortunate girly-man just attacked him and kicks his body skyward. Then, in slow motion, the barbarian expertly flips into the air like a soccer star and brings one furry boot down on his enemy's head. Strangely, this sends the bad guy's head rocketing off into the distance, instead of simply crushing it against the ground. Weird.

The Mercenary
Square, Square, Square, Triangle (PS3)/X,X,X,Y (360)
In one of the best moves in any game ever, Conan tops off a flurry of slashes by bringing both of his swords together in one fluid, scissor-like motion, leaving his enemy clutching frantically at a spurting neck-stump. This is one of two moves we don't see ourselves ever getting tired of using; you'll see the other one next week.

perfect--screenshot_large.jpg


Black River Rage
Square, Square, Triangle, Triangle (PS3)/X,X,Y,Y (360)
This doesn't really look like much, as Conan ends a brief slash combo by bringing down both swords, one after the other, in a fluid arc. But if you hit an enemy just right with it, you'll lop off one of his arms, leaving him clutching at a bloody stump before he falls over in a dead faint and presumably bleeds to death. This is especially fun to use against the game's infuriating archer-types - let's see them shoot you full of arrows after that.

Cimmerian Cyclone
Square, Square, Square, Square+hold (PS3)/X,X,X,X+ hold (360)
This may come as a surprise to some, but sometimes it's impossible to look cool while tearing open human bodies with sharp hunks of metal. It's something Conan sadly has to demonstrate with this move, which looks more like something out of an old Hannah-Barbera cartoon than an actual death-dealing move. Execute the Cimmerian Cyclone, and Conan will spin in place, clotheslining baddies with his sword-bearing arms extended. You can even move him around a little while he's doing this, for that slightly hilarious human-tornado effect.

Savage Spin
Square, Square, Square+hold (PS3)/X,X,X+hold (360)
This is exactly like the Cimmerian Cyclone, except slightly more dignified in that Conan only spins around twice. It's not as silly, but it still leaves your foes' entrails dangling everywhere, so who's complaining?

Wheel of Death
Square, Square, Square, Square, Triangle (PS3)/X,X,X,X,Y (360)
Possibly one of Conan's only semi-merciful attacks, the misleadingly named Wheel of Death sees Conan crouching low and sweeping his enemies' legs out from under them with his swords. We mean that literally - the legs are severed at the knees and fly out from under your hapless opponent, leaving him humiliated and disabled for life. Which, thankfully for everyone involved, will last about another .02 seconds.

Heavy Strike Finisher
Triangle, Triangle, Triangle (PS3)/Y,Y,Y (360)
The most satisfyingly messy moves in Conan are often the simplest. Mashing on the heavy-attack button when Conan's carrying two swords will make him repeatedly chop downward with both blades in unison, stunning enemies and finally shearing both their arms off. The shock of being suddenly unable to care for themselves or earn a living in the savage ancient world of Hyboria will kill your enemies instantly, or at least make them faint. It doesn't really matter to Conan, so long as they don't get up again.
 
O MY GOD! Thats insane, i mean thats crazy. This game is gonna be fun, just crazy kick ass, chop ppl in half fun.
 
Pantsless barbarian chops savages in half in the thrilling continuation of our EXCLUSIVE video series.

Can Conan the Barbarian still resonate with today's gamers? The minds over at publisher THQ certainly seem to think so, as they're rolling out the 75-year-old license this October in the simply-named Conan - a barrel-chested, hyper-manly slash 'em-up that completely ignores the silly Schwarzenegger movies and rips its inspiration, bleeding and raw, from the original novels by Robert E. Howard.

Voiced by Ron Perlman and scripted by Susan O'Connor (who also wrote the script for Gears of War and was consulted for Bioshock's story), this version of Conan is clever, likable and capable of much more than just grunting in a thick Austrian accent. He's also extremely adept and separating bad guys from their limbs and leaving revolting heaps of gore everywhere he goes. We've been tracking his trail of bodies for three weeks now, and we've already seen what kinds of awe-inspiring carnage he can create with one sword or a pair of blades. Now, however, we're pulling out the big guns.

As we've previously discussed, Conan can use four fighting styles throughout the course of the game, depending on what kinds of weapons he picks up after eviscerating his foes. This week, we'll see what he can do when he picks up a man-sized broadsword or an intimidating poleaxe. It's not pretty, but it's damned entertaining. Here's a sample:

Conan Goreplosion Video! Week 3: Broadsword or Poleaxe (two-handed weapons)

And here's a rundown of what you just saw:

Steps of Hell
Parry+Square (PS3)/Parry+X (360)
We don't know what would possess the thugs that populate Conan's world to run up and attack a steroid hulk with a sword that's as big as they are, but they do. If Conan parries their attacks successfully, though, he'll be able to leap into the air and bring his gigantic, razor-sharp hunk of metal down on his enemies' heads, splitting them neatly in half, with guts dangling out obscenely. Neat!

Demon's Descent
Parry+Triangle (PS3)/Parry+Y (360)
This is one of the more improbable moves in Conan's arsenal. Parrying an attack successfully will enable Conan to toss his sword up into the air, and then quickly uppercut his enemy straight into the blade for an impossibly neat skewer. It's almost a pity Conan shakes the guy off his weapon when he catches it - fighting off barbarians with a rancid-corpse shish-ka-bob has a certain morbid appeal.

King's Execution
Triangle, Square, Triangle (PS3)/Y,X,Y (360)
This is our absolute favorite move in the game, and we try to overuse it as much as possible. Anyone on the receiving end of this gets a swift kick to the nuts - momentarily stunning him - before Conan chops the sword down in a deft arc, messily splitting the guy in two and splattering gore everywhere. It just never gets old.

conan_00--screenshot_large.jpg


Stygian Skewer Fling
Square, Square, Triangle, Triangle+hold (PS3)/X,X,Y,Y+hold (360)
Here we have a perfect example of a serious-looking move that goes all silly at the last minute. The first three buttons listed above will perform a Stygian Skewer, which ends with Conan running his enemies through with whatever insanely gargantuan blade he's holding. That fourth button, however, will keep the enemy stuck on the tip of the sword or poleaxe or whatever as Conan spins around and around like a ballerina, repeatedly corpse-clubbing anyone unfortunate enough to be standing nearby.

Outlaw's Hilt
Square, Square, Circle (PS3)/X,X,B (360)
Conan doesn't believe in wasting things - that's why he uses every last part of his weapons for killing. In this move, for example, he won't murder his enemies with the blade of whatever weapon he's holding - instead, he'll use its hilt to uppercut their heads off.

Bloody Crown
Square, Square, Circle, Triangle (PS3)/X,X,B,Y (360)
There are some enemies who are so tough, trying to punch their head off with the Outlaw's Hilt will just make them dizzy. If you happen to meet one of them, following the Outlaw's Hilt with a strong slash will execute this charming maneuver, a downward slice that cuts them in half. Or cleaves the headless body in half, if you've successfully decapitated them. Classy.

Slayer's Bladesaw
Square, Square, Square, Triangle (PS3)/X,X,X,Y (360)
This is a tough one to line up, but if you do it right, Conan will finish a potentially lethal chopping combo by hurling whatever giant sword or poleaxe he's holding at his enemies. It'll then buzzsaw through the air, bisecting everything it comes in contact with before returning to Conan's hands like a boomerang. Because, you know, that's what huge-ass broadswords do.

Heavy Descending
Triangle while jumping (PS3)/X while jumping (360)
Once again, sometimes the best moves are the simplest, and unlike the rest of the moves on this list, you'll never even have to unlock this one. Simply jump into the air, hit the heavy attack button and Conan will bring his blade down in a leaping chop that'll - you guessed it - vertically bisect his enemies and leave snaking lengths of intestine lying around for someone to step in.
 
Why is that dude still even fighting? I hope they have they AI freak out and run after Conan destroys the most dangerous enemies. Hell, that's what I would do. And what type of magic does Conan possess, anyways? All I hear about is the melee combat? Don't diss the Spartan though, blades on chains are SWEET. Conan did it first though, and he didn't need the god of war to help him out either.
 
I tried to watch the first vid with the one sword moves and it's choppy as hell.

Edit: Fixed it. I just clicked on the original link and it works perfect. Excellent stuff
 
"Service her aye, and gladly". That must be the best dirty quote from any game ever. Conan is one ugly mofo though. The combat looks way more polished than the first video, thank Crom.
 
Ok, some reviews and comments...

First of all, some website gave it a 4 out of 10....but then again, they gave Halo 3 a 7/10, Gears of War a 7/10 and Heavenly Sword a 5/10, so I don't know how trusted they can be.

Listen, I'm not one of those annoying fanboys that won't believe reviews....if the game is bad, then it's bad. It just seems like this website is not very professional.

Now...

And 8 out of 10 from the Dutch website, Gamer.nl

Positive:
-Innovative and well working combat system
-Tight controls
-You get rewarded for learning new moves
-Extremely bloody and well displayed violence
-Fulfilling gameplay

Negative:
-Not very original because it steals a lot from other games
-Sometimes unpolished.

Also, most of the Gamefaqs people that already have the game seem to like it (or really like it), and we even have a very enthusiastic 9/10 from a Gamefaqs reader review....granted, it's not the most professional review, but I'm thinking that this game is most likely a decent 7 or 8 out of 10 hack 'n slash, not that 4/10 failure up there.

I will wait for the IGN/TeamXbox review, which I'm willing to bet will be between early 7's and early 8's, if anything because the 360 doesn't really have a God of War-like game.
 
Witness intense manliness as bare-handed Conan rips bad guys apart in the bloody conclusion of our EXCLUSIVE video series.

Over the past few weeks, we've shown you all kinds of bloody horror that Conan the Barbarian can unleash on pirates, bandits and assorted ancient-world thugs in his self-titled slash 'em-up, due to hit stores this October. You've seen what he's capable of when he's wielding a small, ordinary sword, a pair of swords and a really, really big sword. But the true measure of a rampaging badass isn't what he can do when he's holding a sharp chunk of metal. It's whether or not he can grab a grown man and, while looking him in the eye, rip him in half like a phone book. For the final installment of our ongoing video series, we'll show you what Conan, mighty barbarian and terror of the ancient world, can do to people with just his bare hands:

Conan Goreplosion Video! Week 4: Hand to hand moves.

Here's a rundown of some of the moves you just saw:

Piledriver
Circle, Square (PS3)/B,X (360)
This is probably the goriest move Conan can pull off in just two button presses, and it's especially fun to watch if you do it over and over on a horde of low-level baddies. It involves Conan sweeping his enemy up off the ground in his sweaty, manly arms before leaping into the air, roughly flipping his enemy upside-down and bringing both feet down on the man's chin. Naturally, the impact between the ground and a 300-pound steroid hulk's boots causes the enemy's head to go flying off, looking confused, while blood spatters all over the place. This is probably why Conan doesn't like wearing clothes - they'd only get stained.

Body Throw
Circle (PS3)/B (360)
Sometimes, you just need to put a lot of distance between yourself and your enemy in a hurry. The best way to do that is to pick them up and throw them, which isn't particularly gory but is mildly funny. Particularly when you toss your hapless foe off a cliff or into a wall. Ha ha, nothing spells "hilarity" like S-N-A-P-P-E-D F-E-M-U-R.

Piledriver--screenshot_large.jpg


Body Slam
Circle, Circle (PS3)/B,B (360)
Despite the name, this doesn't involve Conan climbing up on something and crushing his enemies under the weight of his plummeting body. No, Conan's too dignified for that. Not too dignified to wear clothes, but too dignified to hurl himself around like a wrecking ball. Instead, Conan will simply grab his enemy by the ankles, lift him up into the air and slam him down with a great meaty thud. Again, not exactly gory, but still satisfying, especially if it took a while to get the bastard to stop blocking.

Backbreaker
Circle, Triangle (PS3)/B,Y (360)
For a loincloth-wearing barbarian living in a prehistoric fantasy world, Conan sure does have a lot of modern pro-wrestling moves up his sleeve. (Or he would, if he ever wore a shirt.) In this classic move, Conan lifts up his enemy, jumps into the air and brings the man's back down on his knee, effectively snapping his spine (most of the time) and sending a high-pressure spray of blood shooting out of his enemy's face for reasons we can't quite fathom.

Camel Punch
Circle while running (PS3) /B while running (360)
This fairly unremarkable punch would be a lot more interesting if it were part of a camel-punching minigame. Or if there were actually any camels in the game for Conan to punch. As it is, it's a slow-to-wind-up haymaker that deals mild damage to skirt-wearing thugs and the odd lion. Weak.

Death Stomp
Square while enemy is prone (PS3)/ X while enemy is prone (360)
Conan's never been one to kick a man while he's down. Certainly not when he could stomp on his face instead. While this looks brutal, though, it tends to take a few tries before Conan's stomping turns tougher opponents into corpses. However, if Conan's all pumped on the Song of Death - which he'll get if you kill enough enemies in fast-enough succession to make his swords glow red - this can actually take a bad guy's head off. Again, we're not quite sure how this works - when we stomp on something, it usually gets crushed, as opposed to bouncing spectacularly into the sunset - but so long as it results in copious amounts of the red stuff, we're not complaining.
 
Ok, some reviews and comments...

First of all, some website gave it a 4 out of 10....but then again, they gave Halo 3 a 7/10, Gears of War a 7/10 and Heavenly Sword a 5/10, so I don't know how trusted they can be.

Listen, I'm not one of those annoying fanboys that won't believe reviews....if the game is bad, then it's bad. It just seems like this website is not very professional.

Now...

And 8 out of 10 from the Dutch website, Gamer.nl

Positive:
-Innovative and well working combat system
-Tight controls
-You get rewarded for learning new moves
-Extremely bloody and well displayed violence
-Fulfilling gameplay

Negative:
-Not very original because it steals a lot from other games
-Sometimes unpolished.

Also, most of the Gamefaqs people that already have the game seem to like it (or really like it), and we even have a very enthusiastic 9/10 from a Gamefaqs reader review....granted, it's not the most professional review, but I'm thinking that this game is most likely a decent 7 or 8 out of 10 hack 'n slash, not that 4/10 failure up there.

I will wait for the IGN/TeamXbox review, which I'm willing to bet will be between early 7's and early 8's, if anything because the 360 doesn't really have a God of War-like game.


Giving Halo and Gears a 7 out of 10 is enough to completely disqualify you as having any kind of credibility. As for the game being unoriginal, well i really dont think that matters. A majority of games that come out are unoriginal and end up being fantastic(imo). As you said, ill wait until the Ign review before i pick it up, but barring a low 7 or 6, ill end up getting it anyway.
 
dunno about this one... everything I've seen just screams "meh" to me.
 
Pro-G Review = 7/10.

"Is that the new God of War game?" asks a visitor to the office last week. "No," I reply. "It's the Conan game. It does look a lot like God of War though." For anyone who knows their video game characters, the differences between Kratos and Conan are huge, but throw the game in front of a part-time gamer and the reaction is to be expected. And it's probably not something THQ has tried to avoid either, given God of War's popularity and the lack of a next-gen follow-up on the horizon.

Thankfully for fans of the adventure beat-em-up, Conan is an admirable attempt at giving gamers what they want while Sony is hard at work on the inevitable PS3 God of War. Conan, a muscular man that you're best not messing with, has a plethora of moves available to him (with more being awarded as you grab the red runes that fall from defeated enemies), allowing you to perform some impressive combos.

Players familiar with the likes of God of War will feel right at home. Other than a single jump button, the rest on the controller are reserved for attacking, blocking and performing various magic attacks (selected by the d-pad). The right analogue stick is for rolls, giving you a way to quickly evade attacks and to get into a better position to attack enemies. A counter system is also a key part of the combat, with successfully timed blocks bringing about a finishing move activated by pressing the button flashed on screen.

It's worth pointing out here that Conan isn't a game for kids. On top of the brutal violence (beheadings, dismemberment and scything) Conan frequently encounters women lacking in the clothing department. While the game doesn't go for straight-up full frontal nudity, virtual breasts are most definitely on show, as are numerous evocative moves when the ladies are saved from enemy goons - some certainly seem to have been schooled in the art of lap dancing.

The story, which is pieced together through numerous cutscenes, isn't the most challenging you'll encounter in video games, and certainly isn't near the quality seen in Sony's epic God of War series. It's passable, linking together each section of combat, but it's unlikely you'll be talking about it with friends.

More memorable are the large enemies you face. One you'll encounter early on is the giant sand serpent, which towers high above the city you're battling in. This encounter is not only visually impressive, but also demonstrates the game's focus on straight to the point action. While God of War featured numerous puzzles, the most you'll see in Conan is a switch or lever, which is likely to come as a disappointment to players hoping to tax their brain cells as well as their virtual muscles.

If you put the most popular games of this type in order of technical proficiency in terms of combat, it would look something like this: Ninja Gaiden, Devil May Cry, God of War and Conan. In truth, Conan and God of War aren't leagues apart, both occupying the space reserved for gamers disinterested in mastering every nuance of a control scheme in order to beat the first boss. There's just something about Conan that seems a little rough around the edges though, despite its incredibly fun gameplay. At times you'll become annoyed at the awkward Quick Time Events during boss battles and the occasional tricky platforming section.

The use of magic in God of War was largely excellent and allowed gamers to manage which skills they upgraded. In Conan the collection of Blue runes replenishes your magic meter and new abilities are given as you progress through the game. The rage attack in God of War has also been mimicked, with a period of impressive fighting resulting in your blades catching alight, enabling them to deal out significantly more damage. The green orbs for health are also seen here (although they are called runes), spilled out of the guts of enemies and inside various ornaments throughout the game.

Released on PS3 and Xbox 360 it's fair enough to expect some truly great next-gen visuals and presentation, but Conan falls a little way short. Conan himself is nicely modelled, as are most of the enemies, but some clunky animations, odd texturing and an occasionally sluggish frame rate show a real lack of polish. Whereas God of War and its sequel did wonders with the PS2, Conan merely touches the surface of what next-gen systems are capable of.

Audio work is also rather mixed. The musical score is perfectly suited to the on-screen carnage but Conan's voice doesn't fit with his brutish appearance. Likewise, NPC characters don't quite sound right, giving the game a slightly rushed, cheaper feel than it really deserves. Dull menus and lengthy load times don't help either and will be slightly jarring to players expecting high production values.

Conan is an extremely tricky game to judge. On the one hand it's highly entertaining and almost obscenely violent and crude, but for a next-gen title with a next-gen price tag it doesn't quite deliver. By no means is this the perfect answer to the current lack of a next-gen God of War, but as something to tide you over, it serves its purpose better than anyone probably predicted.

+ Impressive move list
+ Very bloody

- Feels a little rushed
- Boss encounters can annoy
 
2nd. Reader Review from Gamefaqs...8/10

"A game that doesn't present itself as anything classic but succeeds as a fun hack and slash adventure."

With all the mega hype that has been put into the recent Halo release, it might come as a shock to even hear or know off anything else playable on the 360. Well more me personally, I don't see what makes the Halo Franchise unique and for that I was one of the lucky ones. Also appearing on the 360 is a true piece of old school gaming with a modern face. That game is Conan and it's far from the barbarian's previous game reputations. The hack and slash genre is a huge hit or miss within the game industry and of course your current views on over the top sword play will be a factor in any game purchase decision.

So ask yourself this: Do I like hack and slash games?

If your answer is no then step click back on the upper tab now. If your answer is yes then in short you will most likely enjoy Conan.

GRAPHICS 7/10
Of course I wouldn't' go as far as to say Conan has bad visuals, but after such eye popping graphics from games like Bioshock and Gears of War, Conan will sure look like a children's cartoon. But wait, when was the last time you saw a cartoon with plentiful amputation and busty boobage? Conan looks good enough to be a modern game and since graphics aren't its selling point I'm inclined to let the developers off on this one. With interesting looking characters, smooth animation and enough splattered blood to paint Mt. Everest, you will barely care about the almost painted on colours and textures. From this you can easily come to the conclusion that it doesn't take full advantage of the graphics engine the 360 has to offer, but the variety in character movement and style surely make this stand above any last generation hack and slash. As for the boobs... that REALLY depends on the gamer.

SOUND 6/10
Are you mad? Its Conan, like its going to have anything mind blowing, epic or even smart to sound off. The voice acting is pretty much as basic as it comes, while you can trust that it presents the character's own style (although Conan doesn't sound Conan enough for one thing) and drives the plot forward for it to become slightly more engaging before the you know what gameplay. Acting is flat and doesn't do justice to the cool effects when Conan flies through the air slice and dicing enemies as they come, but it rarely comes up enough to hamper the hack and slash experience. The music isn't original but then again plenty of games have unoriginal soundtracks and no one seems to care then. And lie now as I write this I never cared either and it's probable you won't to. Simple war like trumpets that fit the raging combat to come pretty much sums up what is to come. It's neither a hit nor miss. But wait, it can't sound entirely mediocre? How does it feel to hear a sword slice through fresh flesh only to hear the screams and blood splatter on the hard stone floor? Pretty good if you ask me, and on that note I can safely say the weapons and movement sound effects save to gameplay experience from being shadowed by bland background noise.

GAMEPLAY 9/10
Well of course you want to hear about the good stuff, and I won't postpone it any longer. One by one the come and two by two they get tossed, butchers, crushed, hacked, man-handled and sliced up into stir fry. That's pretty much the gist of it; you play through various levels, each with different sets of enemies that throw themselves at you at every moment that occurs. It might get repetitive if played in large doses but then again so can most games. If you're a fan of previous hack and slash games like Dynasty Warriors or action fantasy epics like God of War (notably God of War) then Conan serves up a well worth crowd combat experience. There's also a nice line up of boss battles, each ranging from dragons to krakens and have that puzzle element like God of War. However the puzzle elements in general, boss battles or not do seem presented for the simple minded. Lets see, I'm not allowed to go through the door... hmmm, well there's a huge boulder just above it, just hanging over the edge so much you wonder why the laws of physics haven't kicked in. Like God of War (again) there's no shortage of button action events but unlike God of War, these apply to nearly all the enemies you'll encounter. What sets Conan aside from the most basic of the hack and slash/action adventure is the upgrade system. And no no, this is not like God of War where you can upgrade your small choice of set weapons and magic. In Conan you get a choice of moves to fit the weapons you use and weapons you'll most likely be changing 24/7. At one point you have a short sword then a sword and axe, then a two handed sword, then a club and a sword etc etc. Upgrades are for simple new combos to dish out against the on coming horde. Each is different enough to allow a second play through possible. So in summary it's like God of War but God of War was an excellent experience so any element from that do Conan good. The combat might look rather basic to begin with but change happens and it grows on you, but of course this will only apply to genre fans.

CONTROL 8/10
There is no camera control, instead there are just fixed frames that follow Conan in the third person that change depending on location. While at times you wish you could control it yourself, most of the time you will be happy such tasks are computer controlled leaving you to put your effort into the combat. The combat itself is more like a fighting game. Remember the combos in Tekken and/or Dead or Alive? The same applies here and each different combo must be used for each different enemy. Most of the button sequences will occur ALOT and the button events do come and go a little to quick for you to pick up on, notably when you're surrounded. Overall the control scheme isn't perfect but works entirely within its genre.

VALUE 7/10
This factor will also depend on your gaming tastes. The game is rather easy but the harder modes do stretch it out slightly longer. Estimated gameplay time is within the range of 6 to 10 depending on your set difficulty on your skill. Hardcore players should be fine whereas casual players might die enough times to drag out the experience. Might not sound like enough for one to buy on release (and I agree), the range of different combo moves and 360 achievements can extends the games overall value enough for multiple play throughs. It's a shame there's no multiplayer but if expectations are still high we might get more Conan in the future. The rent or buy factor will depend on the buyer.

CONCLUSION 8/10
Pretty much as it is advertised. Like God of War, not as good but still playable and most important fun. If you are thirsty will blood lust or just want to hack p enemies then Conan should be an easy choice to look into. It has its noticeable flaws but when it comes right down to just an over the top gore fest, you want really care. As for a Conan fan, this is a must have. For anyone else, do think about it hard... I did. If you're still waiting for Age of Conan: Hyborian Adventures, then this more simple title might be enough Conan for you before 2008.

Pros
- Lots of combat
- Upgrade system works
- Gore, gore and lots more gore
- Great boss fights
- Feels like Conan

Cons
- Poor acting
- Background visuals nothing special
- Shorter than expected

Reviewer's Score: 8/10, Originally Posted: 10/02/07
 

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